Image by Convegni_Ancisa from Pixabay

What does it mean to be a "thinking partner"?

As a coach I certainly had my ideas about what I thought it meant. However after recently learning about "The Thinking Environment", Im thrilled to say my understanding is expanding and deepening.

So I am over the moon to have the chance to learn more about it and to actually hear it demonstrated in a full "thinking partner" coaching session with Jane Adshead-Grant MCC. Jane is also an accredited coach, facilitator and teacher with Time to Think.

Time to Think was founded by Nancy Kline who created and pioneered the development of The Thinking Environment. Nancy says: 

"The quality of everything we do depends on the quality of the thinking we do first.

The quality of our thinking depends on the way we treat each other while we are thinking.

Time To Think has identified ten behaviours that generate the finest independent thinking. We call them the Ten Components of a Thinking Environment®.

In the presence of these ten behaviours people think for themselves with rigour, imagination, courage and grace."

Photo by "My Life Through A Lens" on Unsplash

Do you ever find yourself thinking "Oh how I wish 'they' could get some coaching"? I admit I do!

Two of my biggest wishes are for all government leaders/politicians and medical professionals to receive and learn coaching! What a different world this would be for us individually and collectively, right?

For example, imagine having a visit with a doctor or dealing with a health-care system who saw you as whole, creative and resourceful. They were totally present with you, wanted to know what you thought, felt and desired and so asked you powerful questions. Then really listened to what you had to say and worked with you to achieve your health and well-being goals.

Wow... is it a pipe-dream? Nope, Im thrilled to say its not! There are coaches out there doing great things and making real inroads in this area. You may be one of them and bless you if you are!

I can tell you for sure that our guest this month, health & well-being lifestyle Master Coach Dr. Tim Cline is one of those coaches. 

To give you just two examples- after 10 years of full-time coaching, Tim returned to Pittsburgh to build a comprehensive suite of evidence-based lifestyle interventions and an ICHWC-approved health coach training program for one of the nation’s largest, fully-integrated health care systems. 

Read more about Tim and his teleclass call. He will be demonstrating his health and well-being coaching mastery in a real world session with a client he has never met and who is not in the coaching profession. After the session he will breakdown his process and answer our questions.

Please join us Monday April 29, 12-1pm EDT!

Coaching Mastery Tip #3

If you are ready to move beyond your current comfort zones and reach for a new level of mastery in your coaching, consider these qualitative tips for guidance. This is the 3rd in a 13 part mini blog series that will share Thirteen Coaching Mastery Qualitative Tips. I hope you enjoy them! – Fran Fisher MCC
Check out tip #2 here.

#3 of 13

Easy FLOW

The feeling is a relaxed flow of connection in the partnership. Coach is client-focused, honoring their pace and tone. Your attention is fully connected, dancing with the client. Whether it’s a waltz or a salsa or a tango, coach and client are harmonizing in flow.

Avoid providing unnecessary distractions, such as:

• Opinions, analysis
• Unsolicited suggestions
• Approval judgments (“I think that is a good idea,” versus “How do you feel about that idea?”)
• Habitual non-verbal interruptions to the client’s speaking (yeah, yup, uh huh, OK)

Inquiry: What drives my need to speak?

@Fran Fisher 2019 all rights reserved

Fran Fisher is a Master Certified Coach (MCC), accredited by the International Coach Federation. She is a visionary leader, international speaker, and published author. Fran specializes in providing coaching services for visionary leaders, executives, and business owners, collaborative work teams, as well as coaching and mentoring for experienced coaches.

Recipient of The Lifetime Achievement Award 2012 by the ICF Chapter Washington State, Fran is recognized internationally as one of the pioneers and champions for coaching. She served as a founding International Coach Federation, ICF, Executive Board member, and co-chair of the Ethics and Standards Committee, responsible for developing the Credentialing Programs for aspiring coaches and training schools. Fran was the first Executive Director of the Association for Coach Training Organizations, ACTO. She has been serving ICF as a PCC and MCC Credentialing Assessor since 1998.

www.franfishercoach.com

Image by Christian Dorn from Pixabay

By Rick Tamlyn MCC, CPCC
Previous MMC guest Master Coach and guest blogger

I led a workshop recently for a team that included some veterans of the corporate world. Just a few hours into the session, one of them blurted out, “This stuff is incredibly simplistic. I don’t see how it can be of any use to anyone.”

Well, thanks for your positive feedback!

I let this naysayer get to me and had a very restless night. I was hurt. And feeling insecure! Yet, when I woke up the next morning, there was a fire in my belly. I wasn’t angry. Instead, I was very clear about the need for my work, especially for those who’ve become cynical and resistant to fresh approaches. I realized that this guy needed me much more than I needed him!

I rocked the second day of that workshop. I came up with concepts, contexts, and content that had never occurred to me in the past. Mr. Naysayer proved to be a terrific ally, a gift that just kept on giving, because he inspired me to up my own game. And he ended up receiving great value from the workshop.

I think we should all embrace folks like this in our lives. They can drive you to make your game bigger and better. You may not like them. You may even curse the fact that they’re in your life. But anyone or anything that motivates you and fuels your passion is an ally in some way.

Henry Kimsey-House, cofounder of The Coaches Training Institute, first taught me the leadership principle that says resistance is our friend.

Tap into any resistance coming your way and use it to your advantage. Don’t get mad… get creative! In fact, it could be that your naysayer might have a point. You should consider that too.

Your allies can also include competitors and arch foes. Where would Hertz be without Avis? Coke without Pepsi? Fallon without Kimmel?

Overcoming the challenges presented by competitors will make your success all the sweeter!

My former boss David Overton, founder of The Cheesecake Factory, embraced the concept of competitors as allies. He welcomed it when other restaurants moved into the same areas as his own, because he believed the more people who saw his restaurants, the more who’d want to visit them. He also felt that because there was usually a wait every night for seating at The Cheesecake Factory, the competitors provided other options for diners. David clearly operates from an abundance perspective. He believes there’s plenty of success out there for all to share, and rejects the idea that it’s merely survival of the fittest or that there’s only so much success available in the universe.

The point I’m trying to make is pretty obvious. Our allies can come in all shapes and sizes, and in people and things that you least expect.

Don’t just engage with the obvious allies in your life. Remember to get curious when the next naysayer shows up. It might just make a world of difference.

©2019 Rick Tamlyn MCC. All rights reserved.

Rick Tamlyn inspires you to be your best.

He teaches that every experience, emotion, reaction, and relationship is All Made Up. As an author, activational keynote speaker, co-active trainer and thought leader in the inspiration business, Rick has delivered his message around the world to people and organizations from all walks of life.

He is a trusted advisor for Fortune 100 companies, small businesses, nonprofits and churches, and has engaged audiences both small and large in 22 countries and counting. Participants leave feeling enthusiastic, confident and focused… and ready to create a bigger and brighter future.

In 2001, Rick co-created The Bigger Game: a tool that inspires people from all walks of life to get out of their comfort zones and invent the lives they want. He is the author of Play Your Bigger Game: 9 Minutes to Learn, a Lifetime to Live (Hay House 2013).

Rick is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) and a Master Certified Coach (MCC) as designated by the International Coach Federation (ICF), and is a senior trainer for The Coaches Training Institute, a world-renowned coach training and leadership development organization.

https://www.RickTamlyn.com

Terrie Lupberger MCC, Jennifer Starr MCC & Ben Dooley MCC

What a great and fun way to hear Master Coaches approaches, skills and techniques side by side. These 3 MCCs received their coach training from 3 of the top coaching schools: Newfield Network, Academy of Coach Training (now Invite Change) and CTI. They are also in completely different niches.

They will be coaching a client theyve never met and who is not a coach and has never been coached before. They will coach her one after the other picking up where the last one left off.

We will have a bonus 15 minutes for additional Q&A.

Join us for this coaching adventure February 28, 2019 12-1:15pm EST. 

(The call is now over but you can read all about it on the past calls page under the "3 MCC" tab.)

Coaching Mastery Tip 2

This is the 2nd in a 13 part mini blog series that will share Thirteen Coaching Mastery Qualitative Tips by Master Coach Fran Fisher. You can check out tip#1 here

If you are ready to move beyond your current comfort zones and reach for a new level of mastery in your coaching, consider these qualitative tips for guidance.

#2 of 13

RESPOND to the WHOLE Person

A client is a holistic human being with many resources beyond their thinking. Einstein said…

“A problem can’t be solved with the same level of thinking that created it.”

So, listen for opportunities to invite the client to access or raise their awareness of resources beyond their thinking. These may open new territories of awareness or other windows for their learning and insight. For example:

• What are you feeling?
• What is your learning style?
• What value will you be honoring more fully?
• What strength could you draw on?
• What other perspective is possible?
• What is your limiting/empowering belief?
• What does your heart want?
• What is your gut/instinct telling you?

Inquiry: Where do I stop exploring my client’s wholeness? Where could I stretch into new territories of the client’s wholeness?

@Fran Fisher 2019 all rights reserved

Fran Fisher is a Master Certified Coach (MCC), accredited by the International Coach Federation. She is a visionary leader, international speaker, and published author. Fran specializes in providing coaching services for visionary leaders, executives, and business owners, collaborative work teams, as well as coaching and mentoring for experienced coaches.

Recipient of The Lifetime Achievement Award 2012 by the ICF Chapter Washington State, Fran is recognized internationally as one of the pioneers and champions for coaching. She served as a founding International Coach Federation, ICF, Executive Board member, and co-chair of the Ethics and Standards Committee, responsible for developing the Credentialing Programs for aspiring coaches and training schools. Fran was the first Executive Director of the Association for Coach Training Organizations, ACTO. She has been serving ICF as a PCC and MCC Credentialing Assessor since 1998.

www.franfishercoach.com

Play is what allows us to attain a higher level of existence, new levels of mastery, imagination, and culture. When we play right, all areas of our lives go better. When we ignore play we start having problems.

My personal motto is, “If it isn’t fun, I don’t want to do it. And when it isn’t, how can I make it fun?” Try that and let me know how it impacts your life. With my view of the importance, if not necessity or getting naked (emotionally) on occasion with the proper precautions, I also believe that incorporating and actually being purposeful about play in your life can help.

Playfulness, for me, is a mind-set and intention of having fun in a way that is not at the expense of others or even as a self-deprecating way of putting yourself or others in a negative light. Comedians, who often have tragic pasts, use humor about others and themselves as a way to get laughs but often hide their true tragic or hurtful existence in many cases.

My hope for you is to find ways to have fun and be lighthearted when life hands you circumstances that may be challenging. This does not mean to make light of tragedy or hurts, but eventually when time has passed and you have shined the light on the emotional scars from such an event, you might be able to smile or laugh at the paradox of living a human life.

Life is not always funny, but eventually acceptance comes from finding vitality from living with a joie de vivre (joy of living), an exuberant enjoyment of life.

A Client’s Story

Some years ago, I was referred a top-level executive in the financial services, a female who was a vice president with international duties from a major U.S. corporation. She had received what is called a 360-degree assessment from her staff and those who report to her, which is a tool that is anonymous but useful to receive honest feedback about your leadership style, teamwork, and perceptions of your effectiveness and personality too.

My client read the summaries and shared with me that many of her team reports have stated she got good results but seemed “reserved, calculating, unfriendly, and stern.” She said she was not surprised, but she wanted to change that view and asked for coaching to assist.

In my history taking of her past, I learned she was an above average student, went to prestigious schools, and was also a concert pianist from a young age.

But when speaking of the music skills, she became emotional and said, “I was good, but I never enjoyed it.”
She had been forced to practice and perform by her parents, who sought for her to express her skill, but they were very demanding and stern in the process.

I asked what else about her early childhood or adolescence could she remember that was joyful, outside of her academics and music.
There was a long pause and a sigh. She finally said, “I don’t remember having much fun or playing with other kids. I was busy with my schoolwork, music lessons, and practice, and I felt disconnected.” As I allowed her to sit with that thought, she sighed and paused again. “Wow! That’s sad, isn’t it?”

I asked, “What was fun for her today? How had she found ways to experience and express joy?”

She then responded, “I experience joy from my leadership role and the creative outcomes, and I enjoy going to art showings and other activities with a few friends or someone whom I am dating.”

I silently thought, “This woman needs to find a way to have childlike fun, laughter, and unplanned, spontaneous enjoyment.”But as a coach, I did not tell her that. I just explored my thinking with a request. I then asked her “what experiences have you had around children, either in the past or present time.?”

She had no children of her own; nor did she have any pets. She reported that “my five-year-old niece sometimes comes over with my sister, and I really enjoy watching her.“

I then asked “what do you like about that?” and she said “my niece just has fun with nothing and anything. She makes up stories to act out. She plays with My Little Pony and other children’s toys. But she also makes friends quickly with other kids when we got to the park or the zoo.”

That’s when I had a creative idea, which often happens in coaching once intuition kicks in. I asked, “Would you would consider an odd request?”

And she, of course, trusting me, said, “Well, it depends.”

I asked, “would you be willing to go to a nearby park and observe the children for at least an hour? Just sit on the bench and have a book or a lunch, and just observe and notice how kids play and interact with joyful exuberance. Would you do that?”(Truthfully I had no idea what I sought or what might happen, but I felt it was worth the experiment.)

She agreed, and the next week, our session was one of a great breakthrough. She came on the call, and after some pleasantries to settle in, I asked, “How did the experiment in the park go?”

There was a pause and then a giggle. And then she said, “You are not going to believe what happened.”

Intrigued, I asked, “Please say more.”

After an hour of watching and observing, she felt a strange urge to get on one of the swings and just swing. When she did that, the nearby kids chuckled, and some came to push her, as an adult would do to a kid. Laughing and swinging, she was having no sense of being a proper adult. She was being childlike and freely playing. She then went to the park on another day over her lunch break, and some of the same kids greeted her. She said she had a sense of belonging and feeling accepted in a way she never had.

The end result of this story is that the playful personality carried over to work. She began being warmer to her staff, asking about their families, looking at photos of their kids or grandkids, and showing a newfound appreciation of the lessons from children in playfulness. She told me that opened her up to a willingness to be childlike at times, but not childish.

Months later, her staff gave her feedback about how much more fun she was. Even though she was still the boss, she was more respected. And she was promoted to a job in Asia as a result, which she had always wanted.

Purposeful Inquiry.
Where can you ‘lighten up”?
And how can you learn to have more fun and be more playful while still taking your life and work and loving seriously?

(c) 2018-2019 Dr. Pat Williams. All rights reserved

Pat is a Master Certified Coach (International Coach Federation) and a Board Certified Coach (Center for Credentialing and Education). He has been a licensed psychologist since 1980, and began executive coaching in 1990 with Hewlett Packard, IBM, Kodak and other companies along the front range of Colorado.

He is a member of PHI BETA KAPPA and CUM LAUDE graduate of Kansas University in 1972. He completed his masters in Humanistic Psychology in 1975 (University of West Georgia) and doctorate in Transpersonal Psychology in 1977, (University of Northern Colorado) His dissertation was Transpersonal Psychology and the Evolution of Consciousness.

Pat joined Coach U in 1996, closed his 16-year therapy practice and six months later and became a full time coach. Pat was a senior trainer with Coach U from 1997-1998.

He then started his own coach training school, the Institute for Life Coach Training (ILCT) which specializes in training those with a human services orientation. ILCT has trained over 3,500 helping professionals and has opened offices in Korea, Turkey, Italy, China, and the UK.

Pat is department chair of the Coaching Psychology program at the International University of Professional Studies, and has taught graduate coaching classes at Colorado State University and Denver University, Fielding University, Loyola University, City University of London and many others. He was also a curriculum consultant for the Coaching Certificate program at Fielding International University.

Pat is a past board member of the International Coach Federation (ICF), and co-chaired the ICF regulatory committee. He is past president of ACTO, the Association of Coach Training Organizations and an honorary VP of the Association of Coaching Psychology and a Founding member of Harvard University’s Institute of Coaching.

Pat was also honored in 2008 as the educator of the year for the New England Educational Institute.

www.drpatwilliams.com

This is the 1st in a 13 part mini blog series that will share Thirteen Coaching Mastery Qualitative Tips by Master Coach Fran Fisher.

#1 of 13

“BE WITH” the client versus “DO TO” the client

BEING WITH = being fully present; listening for who and how the client is being (values, strengths, beliefs, etc.); responding to (words, language, emotion, etc.) Paying attention to the subtle nuances of the client’s shifts of energy, or changes in direction.

DOING TO = problem solving, asking leading questions, offering unsolicited suggestions, offering your own analysis (“So that means____.” Instead of asking “What meaning do you make of that?”)

BEING WITH is being a conduit for emergence; DOING TO is a focus on performance and methodology.

Inquiry: What does it mean to be fully present?  What is the impact of my authentic presence with my client?

@Fran Fisher 2019 all rights reserved

Fran Fisher is a Master Certified Coach (MCC), accredited by the International Coach Federation. She is a visionary leader, international speaker, and published author. Fran specializes in providing coaching services for visionary leaders, executives, and business owners, collaborative work teams, as well as coaching and mentoring for experienced coaches.

Recipient of The Lifetime Achievement Award 2012 by the ICF Chapter Washington State, Fran is recognized internationally as one of the pioneers and champions for coaching. She served as a founding International Coach Federation, ICF, Executive Board member, and co-chair of the Ethics and Standards Committee, responsible for developing the Credentialing Programs for aspiring coaches and training schools. Fran was the first Executive Director of the Association for Coach Training Organizations, ACTO. She has been serving ICF as a PCC and MCC Credentialing Assessor since 1998.

www.franfishercoach.com

Join us for this call with a coaching pioneer! Wynne brings a fascinating and wide range of experience and wisdom to her coaching. On Tuesday January 22nd from1-2pm ET she'll be coaching not only someone she's never met, she doesn't know the topic & this client has never been coached before! Gonna be good! Hope you can join us. 

How to Have the Life You Yearn For: An Evening with Liz Gilbert
By Master Coach Terry DeMeo
(previous MMC guest coach and blogger)

“What are you willing to give up in order to have the life you pretend you want?” Liz Gilbert, the wildly successful, beloved author of Eat, Pray, Love, told an audience of several hundred women at Miami’s Unity on the Bay Church that this has been the most important question in her life.

At the time, Liz was in her twenties, working a string of menial jobs in order to survive in New York City. The question was posed to her by a woman she deeply admired. She yearned for time to write and wasn’t finding it. This “older” woman, in her fifties, had what Liz wanted most of all—a full-time creative life.

The question devastated her. What are you willing to give up in order to have the life you pretend you want? She realized that until she was willing to claim that life by devoting herself to it, and even sacrificing herself to it, she was pretending.

The woman had even more tough love for her–going on to tell her that she’d have to not only say no to things she didn’t want to do, she’d have to say no to things she did want to do.

This, Liz told us, is how claim what we care most about. We may have to give up things we want to do. And until we do that, we are only pretending. To have the lives we yearn for we need to set priorities and to honor them.

Today’s woman, Liz said, is fierce, courageous, badass, fabulous, compassionate, giving, but we lack the most important quality we need to have the lives we want.

We are not relaxed.

And being relaxed she said, is the key separating the wheat from the chaff of life—finding what is truly and deeply meaningful, important and worthwhile. Separating what we want from what we pretend we want.

But this doesn’t mean taking the occasional hot bath or a nap and waiting until the chaos and the difficulties are over. We cannot wait until everything settles down, sprinkling a few guilty breaks in between the 10,000 things that demand our attention.

My coaching clients, who often come to me in crisis situations—divorce, illness, job upheaval—have heard me say this very thing over and over. We cannot wait. We must meet even the deepest challenges, with an attitude of calm, both inside and out. It’s the key to being at our best as we handle our very full lives. It’s the key to protecting our time, our health and immune systems, our ability to make decisions, and the only hope we have for deeply and lasting joy in our lives.

Imagine that tomorrow you wake up to the exact chaos and demands that exist in your life today, but with one significant difference. Imagine you wake up relaxed. Imaging that you step into the fray of your life with ease.

Imagine you are handling your same life, from the minor annoyances to the major crises, from the traffic jams to the divorce, from the red wine spilled on the rug to the upheaval at your workplace, imagine handling that life, your life exactly as it is, from a state of relaxed ease.

This doesn’t mean we’re blithely ignoring the realities of our lives. This isn’t denial or irresponsibility. But we take responsibility for only that for which we are truly responsible, and we approach it all as calmly as possible. We understand the difference between worry, which debilitates us, and concern, which allows us to respond appropriately.

To do this, Liz pointed to three necessary elements:

1. Priorities: What do we care most deeply about? What and who do we want to spend out limited time with? What are we willing to give up to have the life we want? Facebook? Television? Wine?  The pull of other people’s business—things they are totally capable of handling on their own?   Setting priorities means we let our friends and families manage their responsibilities. And we protect our very limited time and energy wherever possible.

2. Boundaries: To set boundaries, we need to know our priorities, and from there, we draw a sacred circle around them.Joseph Campbell was once asked the question what is sacred. His response? You draw a circle and say everything within it is sacred. We can do it ourselves. It isn’t up to a priest, a pastor, a rabbi, or an imam. We can do it privately, alone. We get to say what is sacred for us, what comes inside the circle and what stays outside.For women, Liz reminded us, the sacred must include our bodies. We must protect and respect our amazing, sacred bodies.

3. Mysticism: If this is the only world we are tuned into, it’s brutal–full of chaos, suffering, and dysfunction. To stay calm and relaxed, we must have a sense of the magic beyond us, that ineffable inner awareness that lets us know that “every little thing is gonna’ be alright” and “this, too, shall pass.”We may not get what we want. People betray us and leave us and accidents and illnesses still happen, but the message of the mystics is always this: it’s all going to be alright.Liz told us about how when my mentor, Martha Beck, did her PhD on successful women, they told her all the the obvious things about attaining leadership—finding mentors, setting priorities, etc. But the more she pressed the question, the more these women began to confide in her about their mystical experiences. I heard a voice, I had a dream, I was guided. They said things that made no logical sense.It’s such a common experience, isn’t it? Why did you do that, choose that, how did that happen? I have no idea. It’s beyond logic.

   I’m often asked why I dropped out of another coach training after spending a year and $10,000 on it to start over again with Martha Beck. I have no idea. I just knew I had to. I wanted to in a way that was beyond reason. And this action which made no logical or financial sense was the single most important action I ever took to turn my life around from one dominated by doubt and anxiety to one filled with deeply meaningful work and joy that abides.

So sit with this question until the answer comes: “What are you willing to give up in order to have the life you pretend you want?”And as you wait for the answer, find as much calm as you can, wherever you can.

Let’s start the New Year with Liz’s formula. Let’s set priorities, let’s protect them with strong boundaries, and let’s listen to those whispers and inner voices and internal tugs, calling us to go beyond logic and fear, and into the magic and connection and love that awaits us all.

@ Terry DeMeo 2018 all rights reserved

About Terry:

"I'm a Martha Beck Master Certified Coach and I’m part of Martha’s coach training faculty.  I also helped Martha design the curriculum and I coordinate her Relationship Certified Coaching Certification Program, and am a Master Certified Relationship Coach.  I’m a certified provider of the Myers-Briggs personality assessment, and I’m also a Life Coach School Certified Coach, a HeartMath certified stress management provider and a facilitator of The Work of Byron Katie.  I’ve completed graduate coursework in somatic (body-mind) psychology and had training in positive psychology (the study of what goes right with people.)  In short, I’ve studied a lot about human transformational change."

www.inner180.com