Dumb Questions, Dumb Answers and Dumbed Down Decisions: Who is in Charge of Your Decisions?

By Dr. Relly Nadler MCC
MMC guest master coach (6/25/14) & guest blogger
 

We have been exploring the Emotional Intelligence competency of Confidence or Self-Regard. This blog is on how your thinking impacts your decisions, judgments and success. The strategy below is an excerpt of one of the 10 strategies to raise your Confidence in my book, Leading with Emotional Intelligence. As an Executive Coach, one consistent strategy I use with executives is to help them be more in charge of their default or automatic thought process.

In Chip and Dan Heath’s new book, Decisive, they write: “Why do we have such a hard time making good choices? …When it comes to making decisions, it is clear that our brains are flawed instruments.”

When we reflect on our thinking, we usually ask ourselves a series of questions as many as 50,000 a day. This is an unconscious process that stimulates the answers, such as: What am I going to do about this project? Why is my co-worker so uncooperative? Why did I get passed over at the last promotion?                

One of thinking errors I speak to executives about is: My thoughts are facts. Because I thought it, therefore it is true.

Daniel Kahneman, in his Thinking, Fast and Slow book, explains one reason why we make dumb decisions. It is the:

“Affect Heuristic – where judgments and decisions are guided directly by feelings of liking and disliking, with little deliberation or reasoning.”

If we ask ourselves poor, biased and narrow questions, we will get answers that are negative, not helpful or proactive. The brain has been compared to a computer, even though it is far more complex. When we ask ourselves a question, it is like doing a Google search for information in your brain. Our brain runs through its files to bring up an answer on our screen of awareness. We take this answer as a fact and move forward without questioning the process.

Part of being more confident is to be more aware, mindful and awake when you ask yourself internal questions. When you pay more attention, you may notice that the questions often catalyze a cascade of negative responses and a familiar pattern of “Being on Your Case,” the focus of the last blog. Bad questions get bad answers and you can make dumb decisions as a result.

Your questions can “lead the witness” with inferences that a judge wouldn’t allow in a court of law. The famous “When did you stop beating your wife?” is an example of getting stuck in a nasty loop. Unfortunately, when we ask ourselves self-deprecating questions we rarely come back with an “objection” to the kind of negative answer that comes up. Nor do we consider the fact that this knee-jerk answer may not be true and is simply a reflection of how we have programmed ourselves in the past.

Are any of these questions familiar?

    Why am I always screwing up?
    How come I’m not good enough?
    How could I be so stupid?
    Why didn’t I say something smart at the meeting?
    When will I finally learn?

The brain searches your history and comes up with pat answers such as: “I have always been a slow learner,” or “I am not as smart as others,” or “I am always making stupid mistakes,” or “I’ll never get ahead.” These programmed responses make you hang your head and lose your confidence.

It’s time to take control of the programming of negative automatic self-talk. Let your brain search its files for a more positive, constructive, and useful answer.

The questions and actions below can help you in this process.

Questions and Action Applications:

•     Be more aware of the questions you ask yourself. Write them down and collect them over a week.
•     Ask your questions out loud. Listen, and then evaluate what you are really asking your brain to search for.
•     Are your questions positive or negative?
•     What kind of answers are you getting?
•     Evaluate the biases in your questions. Are you leading the witness? Are you setting yourself up for failure?   Would a judge allow your questions?
•     Are you using over-generalized words such as “always” and “never”?

Five Better Search Questions: Using the following five questions will consistently lead to better answers. Think of a situation for reflection. Now use the questions to generate positive confidence-building answers:

•     What can I learn here?
•     How can I be more on my side?
•     What do I feel good about here?
•     How do I best deal with this situation?
•     How do I bring all my resources to this issue?

This search will generate better questions for better answers and solutions.

Are you on automatic, or are you conscious and in charge of your thoughts, decisions and contributions?

@copyright Relly Nadler 2014 for Psychology Today
 

Dr. Relly Nadler, M.C.C., is the author of 5 bestselling books on leadership development, team learning and emotional intelligence (EI). His most recent book Leading with Emotional Intelligence has 108 strategies to help propel you into the top 10%. His goal is to help you develop yourself and your team to be top performers. The tactics in his books and on this blog are simple and practical, yet powerful. Emotional Intelligence can be enhanced and increased differently from IQ, which is static.

Dr. Relly Nadler, educated as a clinical psychologist, is a master certified coach (MCC) with the International Coaching Federtation (ICF), an executive coach and corporate trainer. As a co-host of "Leadership Development News," an internet weekly radio show on VoiceAmerica, Dr. Nadler interviews leaders, authors and consultants about their secrets of success. He is the "Emotional Intelligence Expert" on the self-improvement site Selfgrowth.com.

He is the president and CEO True North Leadership, Inc. an Executive and Organizational Development firm. Dr. Nadler brings his expertise in Emotional Intelligence to all his keynotes, consulting, coaching and training. He has designed and delivered many multi-day executive boot camps for high achievers in Fortune 500 companies.

Dr. Nadler has coached CEOs, presidents and their staffs, developed and delivered innovative leadership programs for such organizations as Anheuser-Busch, BMW, EDS, MCI, Vanguard Health Systems, Comcast Entertainmentand DreamWorks Animation. He is recognized around the world for his expertise in developing powerful and practical Emotional Intelligence tools to improve business performance, retain stars and develop the next level of competent leaders.

Dr. Nadler has FREE EI assessments, podcasts and tools on his website: www.truenorthleadership.com

Distinctions on the Path from ACC to PCC to MCC

By Janet Harvey, MCC
MMC guest master coach (4/21/14) & guest blogger

After our initial coach training is done and we're on our own with clients, what keeps us on the development path toward more masterful artistry in our coaching? This is a question I often hear and want to offer some insight about it that comes from our development of mentor coach competencies. Bottom line, the competency path is distinguished by a matter of degree in terms of partnership, invitation and trust in the process.

In providing feedback regarding coaching competency, a mentor coach reflects what is already evident in the skill set of the coach, providing concrete examples of how those skills show up. Equally important is an honest assessment of how those competencies can be strengthened and expanded, supporting the coach in moving from the level of expertise they currently demonstrate toward the next level of expertise available to them. This requires that the mentor coach have in-depth knowledge of not only the skills of each competency, but also of the behaviors that mark the distinctions between ACC, PCC and MCC credentials.

Typically, as a coach operates at the ACC level, the coach feels responsible to drive the session and there is a tendency to pose questions that keep the session focused on the situational level, eliciting information and data that is generally known by the client and coaching the circumstances in which the client is immersed.  This level of relating is valuable for clients and opens the door for exploring a level of meaning that is often invisible to a client and usually resides in the realm of emotional and physical reactivity.

At the PCC level of coaching, the coach elicits the client’s intuition and way of learning so that the coach’s questions and reflections become more evocative and begin to explore below the surface of the client’s circumstances so that the client’s relationship to those circumstances can be examined.  Being curious without judgment, meaning to be unconditional with questions, supports a client in considering whether the premise for their actions or the beliefs they act from serves or not.  From this heightened awareness, the coaching provides a space to examine and elect new choices, oftentimes new beliefs and new ways of relating that more fully honor the core values for their life.

At the MCC level, the client is the primary driver of the session. Coach and client are in full partnership, choosing the method and manner for exploring deep into the client’s relationship to the circumstances. At the beginning of a session the coach serves as observer and witness to the client’s thinking and wisdom, continuously learning how best to partner with the client’s process and style. The coach’s intention focuses upon heightening client awareness and clarity so that client choices are aligned with what is most important for their life and choices for sustainable change are adopted.  The degree to which client and coach trust the process and allow a vibrant invitation to explore what is not known, reverently, will serve the partnership in creating a whole that is greater than the sum of the parts.

@ copyright Janet Harvey

Janet Harvey is a life and leadership coach. She is an experienced, versatile professional in the domains of organizational effectiveness and executive leadership development for the 21st century. A former officer with Charles Schwab and General Mills, Janet is a seasoned executive operating for the past ten years as an entrepreneur in organizational consulting and coaching. As a published author, personal growth workshop conductor and national conference speaker Ms. Harvey coaches leaders becoming better leaders in every domain of their lives.

CF Master Certified Coach, inviteCHANGE Certified Mentor Coach, MA Organization Development & Human Resource Management, BA in Economics, Certifications in Birkman Method and MBTI Assessment, Voice Dialogue, Group Facilitation, Instructional Design, Dream Tending and Communications Planning, Director of Training and 2011-2012 ICF President-Elect.

www.invitechange.com

Coaching Presence and the Power Differential Between Client and Coach
By Micki McMillan, MCC
MMC guest master coach (3/18/14) & guest blogger

Coach Power Differential:  What does that mean?

It means we coaches have a lot of power… be careful with it.

I really do try not to ‘coach’ every second of my day, but sometimes it’s impossible not to notice the obvious red flags in coaching when they’re literally right in front of me. While at my favorite coffee shop the other day, I recognized a fellow coach working with a client… then I noticed something else going on. As if watching a silent movie, the coach’s actions spoke a million words. I was astonished!

The coach was sitting on a straight back chair, at least a foot higher than her client who sat in a much lower overstuffed sofa. This struck me as an obvious power differential to start with, but it got worse. The conversation seemed to ramp up in energy and at one point, the coach was leaning down towards the client, shaking her finger at him. I could only infer that she was trying to emphasize something important, but from the outside, it appeared to be a parental moment with a condescending note.

Self-awareness of non-verbal subtleties like what I saw, is a part of the ICF Core Competency – Coaching Presence. Our day-to-day work goes like this: we meet our clients, develop rapport and trust with them, discuss many different topics, and in many cases, we can get comfortable and forget that at least during the coaching conversation, we, as the coach have power over our clients.

In that precious coaching time, our clients give us the permission to manage and direct the conversation- so they can do what they need to do as clients – observe themselves, see their situation from a different point of view, consider alternative choices, and ponder actions that will advance them towards their desired goals. They are being tender and vulnerable with us, and they have a lot to do during that time. Our role, our duty is to safely hold the container so they can be free to work.

If we are not sensitive to how we manage ourselves in that conversation, our non-verbals can derail the process through intimidation, unconsciously creating an environment that asks them to please us, or just distracting them from the important work they are doing.

I had a hard time enjoying my coffee that morning, as I was left with a red flag in my vision and a pit in my stomach, wondering how that local coach’s client felt after their time together. It bothered me for days, so I jotted down these thoughts to share with you – and the Bottom line? Pay attention to everything. Be sensitive, respectful, compassionate, and remember what it is like to be a client.

Copyright@ Micki McMillan 2014 all rights reserved

Micki McMillan, Blue Mesa Group CEO & Co-Founder, a coaching and consulting firm.  Her powerful combination of coaching expertise and business acumen enables her to facilitate lasting change while meeting objectives for fast turnaround and measurable results. Her methods have benfited such organizations such as Merck & Co., Inc., Yale New Haven Health, Colorado State University, Entergy, DTE Energy, Trinity Health, Centura Health, and Royal Dutch Shell.

As regional director of distribution operations at Xcel Energy (then Public Service Company of Colorado), she was the highest-ranking woman in gas and electric operations.

She is also the co-Director of the ICF accredited Transformational Coaching Program (ACTP), gearing the training towards individuals who want to guide their clients on a journey of lasting change in both their personal and professional lives.

www.bluemesagroup.com

Mud Puddles & Love ... Say What?
By Cindy Reinhardt, MCC
& MMC guest master coach (7/23/13) & guest blogger
 
"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge."
~Thomas Carlyle

The snow melt continues as temperatures rise and the promise of Spring looms on the horizon here in the Colorado Rockies. The messiness of the mud and slush seem as metaphors for the messiness of creating, whether a new life, a new approach to a community concern, a new world or all of these.
 
What can I learn about the power of love from the muddy puddles that appear, grow in size and numbers, and change each day? How might this guide me in creating my life and us in creating our world?
 
I'm learning that practicing love is messy and paradoxical and that I can allow the messiness. I'm learning not to ignore it, to clean it up too fast, to put it out of sight and out of mind and go back to old habits favored by the world. In my willingness to be messy perhaps I can glimpse a new possibility, maybe (re)learning (from my four-legged friend Luke or a small child) the sheer joy of splashing in the mud and the creative spark that may follow.
 
Perhaps I can come to deeply (and therefore consistently) see that the chaos in life and the problems facing humanity and the planet are opportunities for us to splash with joy, to experiment with new approaches in the mud of chaotic times. Perhaps I can embrace fully the opportunities for growth, for inventiveness, and for creativity, both personally and collectively, that what we call and experience as problems represent.
 
Perhaps splashing in the mud will remind me that the power of love is the sole Universal power that - when we practice it - changes everything. As I tap into this knowing, this wisdom of the ages I see the power of love to heal, to protect, to soften, to connect and most of all to create - a different life and a different world for us all.
 
Whether in my own little microcosm of choosing how I will respond to an event (or reacting without making a conscious choice), or in the greater macrocosm of the planet, collectively choosing how we address human and environmental concerns, may love be our answer. May I/we know and be love in every situation we face, especially those that seem to threaten the self-love required to act from love.
 
As you glide or slog through the week ahead may you see love in nature, in art, and in every person and event that crosses your path. And, may you return that love with a knowing that, no matter what the experience, with love everything changes.
 
Experiment for the Week:  Notice where love is present in your life, from the inside out and the outside in. Embrace it. Be grateful.

copyright @Cindy Reinhardt 2014

Cindy Reinhardt is a pioneer in the coaching profession, is a Master Certified Coach (MCC), Newfield Certified Ontological Coach (NCOC) and Energy Leadership-Master Practitioner (ELI_MP).

Cindy brings more than 30 years of management and business experience in both public and private organizations to being a catalyst for change, results, and growth

She has been an active member of the International Coach Federation (ICF), serving on the Board of Directors (1996-2000), annual conference chair (1998 & 1999), and the accreditation team (2000-2012).

Since 1992 Cindy has challenged hundreds of clients and workshop participants into action to live with more effectiveness and satisfaction given that one without the other is insufficient.

www.successzone.com

When We Automatically Make Ourselves Right and Others Wrong
By Patricia Hirsch NCOC, MCC
MMC guest master coach on 1/22/14 & blogger
 

Don’t ask me why this is so but ask me how you can begin to observe how you yourself are a part of all of it.

If we begin to question why this is so, we go down the rabbit hole of attempting to understand. We could make up fabulous stories that might answer why, but to understand is not to take action. To understand is to answer the question “why?”  That in itself is not wrong; but neither is it right.

The power lies in beginning to notice how we are “thrown” to do it. To be thrown is to follow a path without diversion; much like a ball thrown across the room in a direction where the path is not diverted unless it comes into contact with something to alter its course.

Throw:

• To put (suddenly or forcefully) into a given condition, position, or activity (thefreedictionary.com)
• To put in a particular position or condition (merriam-webster.com)
• An act or instance of throwing or casting; cast; fling (dictionary.reference.com)

You get the idea, right? …or wrong?

To alter the course of making ourselves right and others wrong takes “coming into contact with something” (a declaration?) to alter the course of our conversations. It takes beginning to notice when we automatically come up with an excuse or a retort or a reason or anger or fear or…

To alter the course of making others wrong may be the beginning of creating a fresh or new relationship with someone; your spouse, or your parents, or your boss, or your co-worker, or the cop who stopped you or…

To alter the course of making ourselves right may be the beginning of creating a brand new relationship with ourselves. To begin to be authentic with who we are being for ourselves. To begin to live from integrity.

To alter the course of that automatic right/wrong conversation, we may begin to recognize “what’s so.”  What the truth is of who we are being for ourselves in this moment in time. That “this is it” and where we are in our lives right now begins with the choice we make right now.

That to alter the course of being “thrown” on that automatic path of right and wrong along with all the other automatic right and wrong conversationalists, may just provide us the opportunity to begin afresh to design a new story worth living into.

The first step to shifting from a way of being that is not working is to begin to observe our own conversations of “automatically making ourselves right and others wrong.”

The second step is to stop ourselves in the middle of it.

The third is to stop ourselves before it happens.

The fourth step is to remember that we used to speak from those automatic and often detrimental to living joyfully conversations of “I am right and you are wrong.”

Will you take a first step with me?

Copyright 2013 Patricia Hirsch

Patricia Hirsch is the founder and President of Design Your Life Coaching (est. 2001), a professional coaching and leadership development company, coaching globally as an Executive Personal Coach. Through individual and group coaching, she has worked extensively to facilitate relationships across cultural, educational, emotional and other discourses with a focus on senior executives, board members, teams and individuals.

Patricia’s coaching and leadership development ontological methodology is grounded in somatic, linguistic and emotional competence.  She draws on each of these domains in her work with clients to raise awareness, enable action and generate sustainable and high levels of performance.

During the past 30 years, she has held numerous mentoring, leadership and management positions. She remains active on rosters for high impact change organizations, which include as President for ICF-OC Chapter, and a member of International Coach Federation (ICF) global committees. Her recent contribution is as ICF Credentialing Committee Member for ensuring a credentialing system is updated to the standards for which the 18,000+ members measure their continuing professionalism.

Patricia also has a weekly radio show where she interviews ICF credentialed coaches.

http://www.designyourlifecoaching.com
http://www.designyourlifecoaching.com/radioshow
https://www.facebook.com/DesignYourLifeCoaching

More Game, Less Goals
By Rick Tamlyn, CPCC, MCC
(MMC guest master coach on 10/15/13 & blogger)

Today, I got seduced yet again to the big “goals” of my life – the outcomes of what I want to create – those goals like my mortgage paid off in 5 years or a best seller book by 2013.  

Now, this does not sound like a bad thing, yet, I notice that by focusing on the goals creates stress and anxiety in me big time as it activates that old standard question “how to create them.”

It has me lose focus on the “game” in life that I am playing right now. I am not a happy camper when I go here – really! And yet, when I re-focused on the “game” that I am up to in my life right now, I became more creative, more alive and connected to myself again.

I have heard from many folks that when we get to the later years of our life, we remember most how we lived life – way more than the goals that we achieved along the way.

When I coach folks these days, I tell them right upfront that I am not a goal focused coach – I focus on the “game of life” that you want to live – for I know the goals will happen organically.

So, the big question to ask ourselves is, ‘are you living a goal oriented life? Or a “game” oriented life?’

Thoughts?

Copyright © 2013, It's All Made Up, Inc.

Rick Tamlyn is a sought after self-empowerment expert and works internationally as an experiential keynote speaker, co-active trainer and facilitator.  He has delivered over 500 conference keynotes, Bigger Game and Meet-Point-Dance workshops, Co-Active Coaching and Co-Active Leadership programs to individuals, teams and Fortune 100 organizations around the globe. Rick has inspired and challenged thousands of people and teams to achieve their personal and professional goals and to up their “game,” in service of a more fulfilled and sustainable world.

Rick co-created and developed The Bigger Game, a tool that inspires executives, leaders and everyday people to get out of their comfort zones and invent the life they want. He is the co-author of The Bigger Game: Why Playing a Bigger Game Designs Who You Want to Become, and has trained and certified leaders from seven (7) different countries to deliver e Bigger Game program. His eagerly anticipated latest book Play Your Bigger Game was just released.

Rick is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC) and a Master Certified Coach (MCC) as designated by the International Coach Federation (ICF), and is a senior trainer for e Coaches Training Institute, a world-renown coach training and leadership development organization.

http://www.ricktamlyn.com

 Make 'Being Enough' a Game!
                        by Carol Courcy NCOC, MCC
                           (MMC guest master coach & blogger)

Calling all perfectionists and procrastinators!

Have you hit the brick wall of frustration and overwhelm? Want to know the singular reason you hit it? TAKE A DEEP BREATH!  Here it is… Many in this branch of the ‘never enough club’ make sure we never quite make it. We are constantly challenging ourselves to be and do more. We postpone finishing tasks and projects as there’s always more we could do.  On top of that we are often mean to ourselves. (I am so stupid, lazy, irresponsible etc.)  Or we berate ourselves. (I could do better. I should have done more… etc.)  

Unconsciously or consciously, we have a habit of always coming up short and rarely if ever feel truly satisfied. (Never quite making it is after all how we WIN at the game of ‘never enough.’)

What if you started playing the ‘enough game’?

If you GENUINELY want what you’ve been postponing, your desire may be beyond you’re your current capacity, skill level or level of emotional agility.  Instead of being embarrassed or ashamed, breathe a sigh of relief.  Your eyes are simply bigger than your stomach!

Decision point… Satisfaction–being pleased with your efforts–is TRULY a choice.  Do you want to be right about your insufficiencies or satisfied with your efforts? 

If you choose the latter, here’s the doorway:

   1.  What 3 doable steps put you on the right path to what you desire?  (Simple and easy are your criteria…NOT difficult or complex.)
   2.  In what order of priority?  Easiest to hardest? Hardest to easiest?  You choose.  Remember winning this satisfaction game is completion and some pleasure.
   3.  Do one–and ONLY one– at a time. Make a promise to yourself.  I promise to finish #1 before I start #2 . KEEP your promise. Got the idea?
   4.  After each completion, take a deep breath and OUT LOUD acknowledge that you did what you said. THANK YOURSELF! (Repeat until sincere!)

@Carol Courcy 2013, All Rights Reserved

Carol began earning her “stripes” as a coach in 1990 after three years of intensive study of ontological coaching. In 2000, Carol earned her MCC. Around that same time, came the realization of being a habitual self-sacrificing overachiever and like the weed kudzu, resentment had taken up residence in her emotional landscape.

While successful on the outside, inside she felt guilt and an ever present sense of inadequacy. She discovered she was not alone! In a business culture of "never enough and more is better" many of her hard working clients also felt pushed, rushed and obligated.

To counter act all this overdone striving, Carol invented emotional agility—the ability to leave any emotion we are over using—like  guilt or resignation--for better ways of being and doing-- like satisfaction and joy. Her goal? Easily moving in and out of emotions as needed! In 2012 Carol published her emotional agility step by step guide called SAVE YOUR INNER TORTOISE! www.saveyourinnertortoise.com

Truth AND Dare
by Cat Williford CPCC, MCC
(MMC guest master coach & blogger)
 

It seems almost every conversation I have these days, starts with, “What the heck is (fill in the blank here with your own head scratcher of a question),” and winds up in giggles and belly laughs.

I’ve received half a dozen links to articles or videos talking about the health benefits of laughing, and read articles about the same in as many health journals and magazines in the past month alone!

This is very good news.  Especially in this era of – well, you can fill in the blank, here, too.

What Is YOUR Era?

I seem to be in an era of blowing the doors off what I thought were my limitations.  “This is the YEAR of EXPANSION,” I said at the beginning of the year so I have hurled myself into discomfort after discomfort and taken myself beyond my edge each month.

Rubber Bands Have A Limit

It turns out, all this stretching into my places of discomfort and unfamiliar has put me into a Sacroiliac Belt to stabilize … get ready for it … an over-stretched ligament in my pelvis.

After I laughed my you-know-what-off, I did what I do with any client facing a body challenge and got curious.  

Use this process to walk yourself through an “over-doing it” consequence that is showing up in your physical body as a result of whatever era you are in.   

1.  Identify the Obvious

Look at the nature of and location of your physical complaint.  Try out these places to look first.

    Low-grade constant pain?  What is going on in your life that is causing a low-level but consistent emotional or mental strain?
    Specific ache?  Let’s say you might be like me and have had more than your fair share of headaches … what thoughts are painful?
    Bruise?  What part of your ego is feeling roughed up or discounted?
    Broken bone?  What is breaking free or longing to break free within you?
    Fatigue?  What are you just damn tired of in your life?
    Ligament over-stretched?  Where are you over-stretched or over-committed?

2.  Peel the Onion

What is really going on?  (Go with your first instinctual answer…they tend to be really accurate.)  If you are anything like my clients, most of the time you are moving so quickly and doing so much, you miss the first little signs of imbalance.  Or dip into “magical thinking” by telling yourself you will feel better tomorrow … without changing one darn thing!  When you get to what is really going on, ask the part of your body that is hurting what it really needs.

3.  Ask for Help

Whether you grab a girlfriend and have a life gab-fest, or call your Coach or look up your symptom on WebMD to make sure you aren’t dying – ask for help.  We Modern Goddesses are just so darn … capable … that we just keep going.

When you work through these steps, your passion, purpose and magic meet.

Big A-Ha Beyond The Obvious

I got right with me when I coached myself through steps 2 and 3 around my over-stretched ligament.  I had “supposed to dreams” of a giant program launch like I’ve witnessed so many of my colleagues pull off.  I’ve made myself “wrong” for not having done one already.  I’ve “blamed” it on tech-phobia and other B.S.

Truth?  I love one-on-one and small group deep dive coaching work that feels sacred.  My clients love the transformations they experience from these intimate conversations.  I like the pace of intimacy and trust the cycles and rhythms of these conversations.  While transformation happens in the blink of an eye, consistent connection and action over time create lasting change.

No Surprise

It is no surprise that the program I attempted to launch last month … failed.  In all my “supposed to dreams” I over-stretched into creating something that was 85% me, and 15% off the mark.  What was off the mark?  I tried to follow a marketing guru’s advice and squeeze my brilliant work with women’s bodies into the business “niche”.

Truth and Dare

Truth: getting into a respectful relationship with your body will enhance everything else in your life, including your business.

Truth:  I’ve been to hell and back with my body and I know for sure the only thing that got me through those hellish trips was being in a partnership with my body that offered access to untold wisdom and strength.

Dare: Do what I really love to do!

What is YOUR truth AND Dare?

I feel my ligament healing as I type, which makes me laugh my you-know-what off again!

Love & Light,

Cat

Copyright ©2013 The Modern Goddess, All rights reserved.

Cat is a pioneer in the field of Coaching and Coach Training, receiving one of the first six certifications bestowed by the prestigious Coaches Training Institute.  She has been a guest expert on The Maury Povich Show, featured in the Los Angeles Times and coached live on L.A.’s ABC Talk Radio.  Sought internationally as the ‘goddess wisdom coach’ Cat works with women executives and entrepreneurs in the UK, Germany, Switzerland, Australia and the U.S.  Clients report they gain clear calm thinking, visionary planning, strategic action, and unprecedented results.

Cat has trained and mentored over fifteen hundred coaches worldwide as a Supervisor and Program Leader for The Coaches Training Institute’s Certification program and as a senior faculty member of The Forton Group’s Coaching For Leadership internal coach program.

A believer in advocacy and volunteerism, Cat was on the Board of the Professional & Personal Coaches Association (which merged with the ICF) and was one of the early champions of creating Ethical Standards for the coaching profession.  

Cat is certain there is no one-size-fits-all approach and blends a wide array of tools in her coaching and training work utilizing multiple coaching models, astrology and numerology to MBTI and Gallup’s Strengths Finder 2.0.

Cat offers an intimate Group Coaching program: Love Your Body Healthy – Lose Weight & End Your Body Battles Forever (next one begins September 2013) & a free Body Love Strategy Session – no strings attached to ensure this is the right coaching program for you.

www.themoderngoddess.com
 

When Helping People is the Wrong Thing To Do

by Dr. Marcia Reynolds, MCC
(MMC guest Master Coach & blogger)

Your good intentions can actually be stunting people’s development.

Recently, a very frustrated client complained, "I did my best to help my team. I gave them a clear vision and shared every bit of knowledge I have around implementing the project. They just don't get it. We are never going to make our deadlines."

I knew why she was frustrated; when I was a manager, I too had to learn the distinction between serving and fixing others. It wasn't until I learned how to be a coach that I understood how powerful it could be to quit trying too hard to “help” others.

Consistently helping people takes away their ability to think for themselves. They become dependent on you and resign themselves to your authority.

Worse, you deflate their motivation. When your goal is to help people do things "correctly" you are taking the “I know and you don’t” position. Unwittingly, you come across as thinking you are better than the people you are helping who have lesser capability, knowledge and strength. As a result, they feel irritated or powerless, not trusted and capable.

Sharing all you know isn’t bad if people are starting new ventures and they know they lack skills and knowledge. They want your help. They may eagerly listen and do what you suggest.

On the other hand, if the people you are trying to help do not see you as the great one with all the knowledge, they won't hear you. Or, they might see you as informed but want you to acknowledge what they know too. If you don’t engage them in a two-way conversation, their resentment will block your words. They may even retaliate by doing something stupid or doing nothing at all. Then you judge them even more harshly.

Have you ever complained about having to parent another adult? Maybe you are trying too hard to fix them.

In contrast to fixing, if you feel you are asked to be of service, you are more likely to act as if you are working with someone of value equal to yours. If there is mutual respect for what you both know, you respond to a problem with the intention of collaborating to find the solution.

First, seek out the perspective and knowledge of the people you are serving to understand what they know. Provide information they are lacking so they can make better decisions. Then ask questions that might broaden their perspective. From here, new ideas and solutions emerge. If necessary, help them explore possible consequences of their ideas. When they come up with plans for action, ask them what particular support they need from you to be successful.

Not only will you establish a better relationship with those you serve, you will also benefit from taking this stance. You'll feel more tolerant when you aren't expecting people to do what you say. You'll feel more compassion when you hear what the person is grappling with in their mind. You'll enjoy the relationship better as you build mutual respect.

Quit fixing and start believing in others. Be curious to see what they know before you offer your advice. Determine if their ideas have value and they need more courage than direction. They may know the right answer but are afraid to take the next step. Share stories about times you faced similar situations and how you learned from your mistakes.

You can give them the benefit of your experiences but they need their own experiences and lessons to develop.

The next time you think a team or person needs to be fixed, ask yourself how you can best be of service. This might help your personal relationships, too. You can't fix your friends or your spouse.

Dr. Rachel Remen, author of Kitchen Table Wisdom, writes, "When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life whole." Do you see people as broken or whole? They will know how you judge them by your actions.

Seek to serve instead of fix. Life isn't about your great accomplishments. It's about being a significant member of a greater community where we are all standing side-by-side doing our best to thrive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Copyright © 2013 Covisioning LLC, All rights reserved.

Marcia Reynolds, PsyD amuses, inspires and fascinates her audiences as she translates the latest discoveries of how the brain works into workable strategies for dealing with life’s challenges. Participants come to understand what makes communication so difficult and life so complicated. Whether they are leaders, professionals, entrepreneurs or parents, Dr. Reynolds then provides practical formulas and techniques they can use both at work and at home.

Marcia’s doctoral degree is in organizational psychology. She has published two books, Outsmart Your Brain and Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction. Excerpts from her books have appeared in many places including Harvard Communications Newsletter, U.S. Business Review, Forbes.com, CNN.com, Psychology Today and The New York Times and she has appeared on ABC World News.

Marcia is also a pioneer in the coaching profession and was the 5th president of the International Coach Federation. She was one of the first 25 people in the world to earn the designation of Master Certified Coach (MCC). She is also a Certified Speaking Professional (CSP).
www.outsmartyourbrain.com

You're A Great Business Coach? It's Not Enough!

Being a masterful business coach is not enough. Being a great leader is not enough. Being a good person is not enough. To create meaningful change in organizations—global monoliths, public sector not-for-profits, sole proprietorships, or even families—we must network, market and sell. It's not enough simply to know how to integrate networking, marketing and sales. Business professionals must personally integrate these principles so seamlessly into who we are being that we no longer think of them as separate, independent, and somewhat unpleasant tasks, like taking out the trash or paying taxes.

It's crucial for business coaches to find the 'sweet spot' where these three domains of networking, marketing and sales intersect. Every business coach must understand the distinctions and master the activities associated with each part of this critical trinity in order to 'seal the deal.' Any deal.

•     If you're a solopreneur or small firm delivering business coaching, you must find and engage clients to have opportunities to deliver your services.
•     If you're an internal coach or human resources director in a large organization, you must create visibility, sell ideas, and garner support for programs to have opportunities to deliver your services.
•     If you're an organizational leader (particularly if you are directing an internal coaching program), you must influence other leaders, lobby support for initiatives, and communicate your vision so effectively that you inspire engaged, motivated followers.
•     If you're a successful business coach, you must help your clients to create opportunities for the delivery of their services—to influence others, to sell their ideas, or to manage their careers for increased visibility and promotion.

The success secret in each of these scenarios is the ability to master, implement, and lead from the sweet spot mentioned above. Without mastering the distinctions between networking, marketing, and sales, and the ability to teach those distinctions, we cannot help our clients move past their fears of asking for what they want. This is not just about finding and retaining business coaching clients. Our ability to seal the deal—at will—is largely determined by our understanding of the systematic, repeatable process behind it all.

Here are specific tools in each area of the 'critical trinity' to help you (and your clients) get the edge:

1. Networking (building relationships as the foundation for every business activity):

An informational interview is a powerful networking tool. This conversation is designed to gather information about what an individual (or his or her company) does. Since it's not a sales meeting, the encounter is non-threatening for the interviewee. In fact, most people are flattered when asked to provide this small dose of mentorship.

Informational interviews can be designed around anything your clients want to learn. You'll collaboratively co-create questions which your clients will ask people in their networks, helping to gain new perspectives and shed light on particular challenges or growth areas your clients are facing.

For business coaches, networking is a doorway into the sales process. The informational interview keeps pipelines sustainably fresh, with new things coming in continually.

2. Marketing (messaging about you or your business, service or product):

3. Sales (asking for what you want):

We all know this frustrating cycle: Our marketing and networking efforts create a full pipeline of leads that suddenly pop like popcorn, generating business. While we are focusing time and energy on delivering client services, we lose momentum for networking, marketing and sales activities. The result? We find ourselves in the uncomfortable position of completing projects with no further engagements on the horizon, requiring us to start generating new business all over again. Our excuse sounds like this: "But, I'm too busy to do any marketing or sales now. I need to focus on billable hours, and the time I spend selling is not billable time!"

Try Lessons Learned Meetings as a strategy to generate business while billing time. Lessons Learned Meetings are structured interviews with your clients and key decision-makers in the organization that take place midway through and at the end of the engagement. You'll check in to learn what is working and what can be improved. You'll tell your clients what they can do to help you to do your job even more effectively. Typically, these become mutual admiration sessions, which create fabulous opportunities for you to a) ask for testimonials, b) ask for referrals, and c) ask about your clients' upcoming challenges, projects or needs, so you can shift the lessons learned conversation into a sales conversation. It is a highly effective tool to actively, strategically and consistently build your business while reducing the cycle of non-billable time between engagements!

Go Get 'Em!

We often think in a box when it comes to our business development mindset. 'Rainmaking'—generating new business—is similar to the need within organizations to influence others. Rainmaking requires a systematic business development process entailing concurrent, seamlessly integrated action in the areas of networking, marketing and sales. When we recognize our innate strengths and eliminate our self-deception in these areas, we can get out of our own way, allowing ourselves, our clients, and the organizations in which we coach to easily seal the deal.
 

copyright Suzi Pomerantz 2013

Suzi Pomerantz, MT, MCC, is the CEO of Innovative Leadership International LLC. Over the past 14 years, she has helped 120 leaders and organizations worldwide to find clarity in chaos. She is the author of the highly praised Seal the Deal: The Essential Mindsets for Growing Your Professional Services Business (HRD Press, 2006). Suzi can be reached by email at suzi@innovativeleader.com. www.innovativeleader.com www.suzipomerantz.com