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Assumptions
A Contributing Factor to Miscommunication

By Amorah Ross MCC
MMC guest Master Coach 3/26/15 & blogger
Originally posted in Amorah's August 2015 Newsletter Adventures in Awareness

Over the last month or more, I've noticed that within each coaching conversation my clients and I were unraveling assumptions from facts related to the session’s topic area. As we traced each assumption backward and finally unearthed the simple facts, we were astonished by the different choices that became visible. With each conversation, I became more curious about my own ‘assumption habits’ and have been observing them with fascination.
 
A case in point: a couple of weeks ago I had a telephone interview with a potential client who had contacted me about coaching. During our conversation, I took notes as I typically do and wrapped up by asking when she would be making her choice of coach. She said she had some company arriving the next week and would make a decision by the end of that week. I asked her permission to contact her if I hadn’t heard back from her in that time, and she said, ‘yes’.
 
Putting a reminder on my computer to call her back in a week’s time, I set aside my notes and went about my other business. The day the reminder popped up, I made an unconscious assumption that if she hadn’t called me back by then she had probably hired another coach and perhaps felt awkward to let me know. Armed with that ‘conversation’ I decided NOT to follow up with her, yet my gut gave a wrench and wouldn’t settle down for the next day or so.
 
As often happens for me when I’m in curious self-observer mode, during my contemplations and musings I took note of my gut’s uneasy reactions, seeking what had 'disturbed my inner silence'. And, as ‘luck’ would have it, in going through some papers on my desk I uncovered my notes from that conversation. As I reviewed them, my heart was again touched as I read her reasons for seeking a coach, the dreams she wants to fulfill finally and remembered the earnest yearning in her voice. Not only that, as I saw my notation about contacting her, I felt ashamed that I had not followed through on a promise I made to her and myself – not my usual professionalism.
 
With that realization, I picked up the phone and called her, saying I was following through with her as I’d promised and was curious about where she was in her decision-making process. To my utter delight, she said her final step in making her decision was to see who of the coaches would follow up with her;j our coaching partnership begins after I return from vacation the end of next week. I’m very much looking forward to the opportunity to support her next steps toward birthing those precious dreams of hers. Needless to say, my gut has settled down now that an actual conversation took place rather than the 'illusionary conversation' my inner saboteur concocted in my head brain.
 
Because I simply can’t help myself, this has prompted even more curiosity within me about assumptions (mine and others) and the role they play in communication or miscommunication. As I move through my days over the coming weeks, I’m staying aware and practicing catching any assumptions earlier and earlier in their progression. I’m eagerly gaining the visceral awareness not only of when assumptions are being made but also taking notice of the impact of those assumptions on my mind, body and spirit.
 
Finally, I’m taking responsibility for making an assumption by starting with, “My assumption here is…”, Or, “I assume…” in my speaking and email. This verbal and written responsibility has supported clarity in several conversations recently, for which I’m grateful.
 
CONTINUING THIS ADVENTURE INTO AWARENESS
How about you - what role do assumptions play in your thinking and reactions to people and situations?

I invite you to consider this question and, as you do, notice what new awareness emerges from within you. And please remember to have FUN on that awareness adventure into the question, okay?

Happy exploring!
Amoráh

@Amorah Ross 2015

Amorah's work is to support her clients in bringing their soulful humanity out so that it serves as the guiding light for all that they do. Never again must their humanity get buried or compromised amid the often-conflicting demands of the various roles they inhabit day by day. 

Passionate about celebrating human wholeness as our birthright, Amorah is a Transformative Coach for those who choose to show up in their careers and live their lives from their authentic core essence and beyond the limitations of traditional thinking. 

Amoráh is an ICF Master Certified Coach, a certified Mentor Coach, and a seasoned coach trainer. A professional coach since 1997 and coach trainer/mentor coach since 1999, Amoráh also serves as an ICF credentialing assessor and on the ICF Global Standards Core Team. She served 3+ years on ICF’s Credentialing and Program Accreditation Committee, and was its Vice-Chair in 2010. Amoráh lives near Seattle with her husband of 45 years and their 2 miniature dachshunds.

Amorah co-authored the book Roadmap to Success: America’s Top Intellectual Minds Map Out Successful Business Strategies, a compilation of articles on strategies & tools for personal and professional success. She has also had published numerous articles on coaching.

www.amorah.com

Hear Margie Heiler MCC Coaching

Wednesday July 22, 2015 12-1pm EDT
 

                                                                                            Photo by Vectorolie courtsey of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Power vs. Strength

by Leza Danly CPCC, MCC
MMC Guest Master Coach & blogger
Originally posted in Lucid Living's Powerful Distinctions: Tips for Coaches Newsletter
 

Do you know what your strengths are? And what about your powers? Can you clearly define them and lean on them in challenging times?
 
And what about your clients? How skilled are you at identifying their unique powers and strengths, and helping them find an effective balance?
 
We’ve been talking a lot about powers and strengths in the last few months here at Lucid Living. The world is at a critical point in our collective awakening. Each of us is called to harness our powers and use our strengths to move toward a positive future of dreams coming true.
 
It helps to understand the difference between the two:
 
A power is an ability. It is a feminine energy, a space of possibility and potential waiting to be made manifest.

A strength is a willingness. It is a masculine energy that fills the space with will.
 
When ability and willingness come together in balance, they are unstoppable.
 
For example, you may have a power of love. You may recognize yourself as someone with a tremendous amount of love to give, and a depth of wisdom about love out of many years experience. That ability to love is a power you have.
 
Loving is a strength. The actual act of loving another takes the will and intention to harness the power of your love and put it into action. It is a willingness to express your loving, which is a vulnerable act.
 
There are many with the ability to love who don’t balance that power by developing the strength of loving. And there are many who spend lots of time loving, but rarely take the time to expand the space of love within them.
 
A life full of rarely-used powers leads to frustration, resentment and dreams unfulfilled.  A life of overused strengths leads to exhaustion and burnout.
 
Begin to notice the imbalance, in yourself and in your clients. Where is life calling for greater balance?
 
And just for fun, here are a few more of the many powers and strengths to think about:

The power of creativity and the strength of productivity
The power of imagination and the strength of will
The power of leadership and the strength of impact
The power of passion and the strength of compassion

Have fun assessing your strengths and powers, and looking for the balance in your clients!
 
With love and magic, 
Leza

@Lucid Living 2015
_______________________________________________________________________ 

Leza Danly is the Founder and Co-Director of Lucid Living. She is a Master Certified Coach (MCC and CPCC), and a thirty-five year teacher of metaphysics and spirituality.  

Lucid Living (Leza Danly & Jeaninie Mancusi) is in the business of training both the shift of perception and the necessary life skills for the unprecedented spiritual evolution of our age.

Sign up for Powerful Distinctions: Tips for Coaches
 

www.lucidliving.net

Photo by ImageryMajestic via FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Emotions
Powerful Gateways to Reclaiming Personal Power

By Amorah Ross MCC
MMC guest Master Coach 3/26/15 & blogger
Originally posted in Amorah's March 2015 Newsletter Adventures in Awareness

The inter-related themes for March are 'Power' and 'Think Different' - a space of time which invites us all to consciously and courageously examine our relationship with power, especially our own personal power. And as we do so, to notice how that relationship impacts the thoughts we think as well as the decisions and choices we make, especially in light of the turbulent and emotional stories in the news these last few weeks.

In my work as a professional coach and mentor coach, I’ve noticed how when a coach acknowledges the presence of [or the lack of] emotions in a coaching conversation it can often open a doorway to deeper awareness for a client around how they’re using or not using their personal power regarding whatever they're exploring. This awareness is usually not only about how the client is relating to a circumstance or person, but also to how they themselves are being impacted - often invisibly - by that circumstance or person.

More often than not, that impact can be ameliorated by raising the client’s awareness of their personal power levels within any given situation. By inviting a client to stop and examine whatever emotions are present within them, either in the current moment as they talk about it, or in remembering an incident itself, you support their clarity in identifying what’s really driving their reactions. Once that invisible element is surfaced, new perspectives and different choices can emerge more readily, thereby reinforcing sustainable personal power levels.

The good news is, just as Pema Chödron’s quote in the sidebar points out, “Feelings are actually very clear moments that teach us and…[that teacher is] with us wherever we are.” Countless times I’ve heard clients breathe a huge sigh of relief when an emotion they’d been feeling was re-framed into their viewing it as a ‘signal’ or ‘pause button’ to 'teach' themselves to remember they can make a different choice in the face of it.

For example, in a recent coaching conversation, a client named as her desired outcome 'to have a tool to be able to be more authentic' in her conversations with others at work. Time and again as she spoke about this, she used the word ‘struggle’ in conjunction with her fear of what they'd think of her if she did so. As the conversation unfolded, we looked at how ‘struggle’, because she is consistently noticing that particular feeling/emotion in the moment, could be used as a signal or cue for her to pause to check within and see what is being called for regarding authenticity at the time she feels it. That idea allowed her to relax and, rather than avoiding or ignoring the feeling/emotion of 'struggling', view it instead as a clue and make it an ally in being truly herself rather than viewing 'struggling' as a hijacker of her authenticity. She adopted this noticing of 'struggling' as her 'emotional tool' to help her remember to think differently, and reveled in the thought that she doesn't have to remember to bring this particular tool with her - it's already within her.

For too long our society, especially in our workplaces, has shuffled emotions into the realms of 'unacceptable, 'not useful' and/or 'too much to handle'. One of the ways I've reclaimed more of my personal power is that I've learned to value, honor and learn from my emotions, providing me with ever-mounting 'evidence' of the impact on myself and others of having done so. As a result, I believe it's now time to restore the natural balance between logic and emotion, within us and between us as human beings, in order to enrich all that life has to offer - I find that a deliciously freeing thought - how about you?

Until next time, I leave you with an inquiry, of course.

A question for you to ask yourself:
What emotion(s) have you been avoiding lately, and what might it (they) be trying to tell you?

I invite you to consider this question and, as you do, notice what new awareness emerges from within you. And please remember to have FUN on that awareness adventure into the question, okay?

Happy exploring!
Amoráh

@Amorah Ross 2015

Amorah's work is to support her clients in bringing their soulful humanity out so that it serves as the guiding light for all that they do. Never again must their humanity get buried or compromised amid the often-conflicting demands of the various roles they inhabit day by day. 

Passionate about celebrating human wholeness as our birthright, Amorah is a Transformative Coach for those who choose to show up in their careers and live their lives from their authentic core essence and beyond the limitations of traditional thinking. 

Amoráh is an ICF Master Certified Coach, a certified Mentor Coach, and a seasoned coach trainer. A professional coach since 1997 and coach trainer/mentor coach since 1999, Amoráh also serves as an ICF credentialing assessor and on the ICF Global Standards Core Team. She served 3+ years on ICF’s Credentialing and Program Accreditation Committee, and was its Vice-Chair in 2010. Amoráh lives near Seattle with her husband of 45 years and their 2 miniature dachshunds.

Amorah co-authored the book Roadmap to Success: America’s Top Intellectual Minds Map Out Successful Business Strategies, a compilation of articles on strategies & tools for personal and professional success. She has also had published numerous articles on coaching.

www.amorah.com

photo by Nokhoog Buchacho www.freedigitalphotos.net

I’ve been so blessed to hear the Masters coaching now for over 4 years on my teleclass series and have witnessed incredible mastery in so many areas. 

But if I had to choose just one that for me creates the greatest space for transformation, I would have to say it’s trust.

When there is trust in the client, trust in the coaching process and trust in yourself as a coach, a magnificent dance occurs and magic happens.

I get goosebumps everytime I witness what I experience as this miracle. Im getting them now just thinking about it!

And, I find when there’s trust, then other competencies automatically follow-- like presence, which would be my next choice!

What do you think makes coaching masterful?

How to Stay Present in Difficult Conversations When People Get Emotional

By Dr. Marcia Reynolds MCC
(MMC guest Master Coach & blogger)
 

Before you hold what you believe will be a difficult conversation, it is important to set your emotional intention. What do you want to feel throughout the conversation? What do you want the other person to feel? You have to set the emotional tone from the beginning of the conversation and then hold it throughout to get the results you want.

Yet even good intentions can be thwarted by the emotions of others. Disagreements make people emotional. This shouldn’t stop you from achieving the results you know are possible. In fact, letting people vent not only allows them to release their feelings (which usually dissipate after they are expressed), but you can find what they really want or what is causing them to feel the way they do if you listen to the words they share while they are venting.

Check your feelings about people before you have a conversation with them Tweet: Check your feelings about people before you have a conversation with them @MarciaReynolds http://ctt.ec/NV644+

When you think about the person and the situation you want to address, do strong emotions arise? Will you be able to release these emotions if they surface during the conversation? Can you accept that the person responds to challenges differently than you do, that his or her style and speed for processing, learning, and trying out new behaviors are different from yours?

Before engaging in the conversation, envision what could happen, including the worst case scenario. Choose how you want to respond. A clear vision acts as a dress rehearsal that will help you get through the real thing.

You also have to allow them to fully tell their story before you start asking them to look for solutions. If you push for resolution too quickly, they will not believe in your intention. They will fortify their walls and the conversation will go nowhere.

Manage how you respond to the other person’s discomfort

Your own brain has automatic defense mechanisms that are naturally on alert at all times. When the conversation begins to feel risky, messy, or emotionally unstable, you need to breathe and recall your emotional intention for the conversation.

Vincent Van Gogh said, “Let’s not forget that the little emotions are the great captains of our lives, and we obey them without realizing it.” You need to notice when your body tenses up or your breathing shortens so you can release the tension and return to being present.

Your commitment to helping them move toward an effective solution, not just to make things better for yourself, must be evident from the beginning to the end. You’ve seen how quickly people get defensive when they don’t like what they hear. I’m sure you, too, have engaged in a verbal battle after receiving criticism, or you mentally checked out the moment someone offered to give you feedback.

Remember your emotional intention based on how you want them to feel. Remember your goal of service. Remember they are doing their best with what they know right now. Don’t get entangled in their reactions. Stay present so you can help them see that knowing more or doing something else would be in their best interest.

Keep your impatience in check

Finally, the demon you will most have to battle is your own impatience. You will need to be comfortable with letting the process unfold.

When you think you know exactly what is wrong with the other person’s thinking, your best approach is to patiently ask them questions that will help them discover the gaps in their logic for themselves. If you slip and tell him what is wrong with his thinking and what he should do next, his brain will shut down. No one likes being made to feel wrong or stupid. You can read more on how to change people’s mind with an inquiry process in The Discomfort Zone: How Leaders Turn Difficult Conversations into Breakthroughs.

You also have to be patient with silence. Silence is often an indication that what you said or asked actually poked through his wall of resistance, causing him to stop and think about his thinking. The best thing you can do is to be patient and allow the person’s brain to work.

Be curious and care

Be fascinated by the human in front of you. Don’t let him frustrate you with his resistance. Don’t let him fool you with a false face of ennui. And definitely, don’t resort to threatening or bribing him. Stay calm and intentional throughout the conversation to move toward the results you want to achieve.

@Dr. Marcia Reynolds 2015

  _______________________________________________________________________________

Dr. Marcia Reynolds MCC, president of Covisioning LLC, is fascinated by the brain, especially what triggers enthusiasm and innovation. This fascination has led her down many roads in her desire to stay on top of the shifts in employee engagement and leadership development. On this journey, she wove together three areas of expertise: organizational change, coaching and emotional intelligence. She is able to draw on these areas as she works with her latest passion—changing the conversations leaders have at work. She feels the most effective leaders help people think more broadly for themselves. When leaders have powerful conversations that change people’s minds from the inside out, the workplace comes alive with an eagerness to discover what is possible.

http://​www.outsmartyourbrain.com

I know you give so much to so many but my question is coaches are you good at treating yourself?

Not so much? OK well here's a great & easy way to do just that!

Enter The Coaches Treat Yourself Giveaway to win any one of 20 terrific prizes. 

All sorts of products, services and bling that you would love to have but maybe just cant justify buying for yourself.

And everyone's a winner as there are also some amazing consolation gifts.

Let's practice what we try to teach-
the value and importance of acknowledging and celebrating oneself!

May this labor day be a labor of love- self love. 

The gifts are free and clear- no follow-up marketing from the contributors just pure giving! Deadline to enter is 9/3/14. Winners will be randomly drawn on 9/5 and notified @ 9/6.

I cant get over how excited I am to be able to give back to coaches in this way! It is so much fun.

I love coaches, I love this profession.

There are 20 fabulous prizes donated by some very generous people.

The gifts are free and clear- no follow-up marketing from the contributors just pure giving!

So please enter (thru 9/3/14) to treat yourself!

1 gift per person, winners will be randomly drawn on 9/5 and notified @ 9/6.

Good luck everyone!

I cant get over how excited I am to be able to give back to coaches in this way! It is so much fun.

I love coaches, I love this profession.

There are 20 fabulous prizes donated by some very generous people.

The gifts are free and clear- no follow-up marketing from the contributors just pure giving!

So please enter (thru 9/3/14) to treat yourself!

1 gift per person, winners will be randomly drawn on 9/5 and notified @ 9/6.

Good luck everyone!

Global Warming of the Human Kind

By Patrick Williams EdD, MCC

Emotional Climate change is needed now more than ever.

The world needs global warming – not the environmental kind, the relational kind! Throughout the news media, we see the quickening of global warming and its disastrous effects on the environment. What we are also beginning to see is a quickening of global warming in the way individuals, families, communities and countries relate to one another.

That this could grow so fast is a surprise to all the experts. What if the walls that separate us from truly cherishing and honoring each other came crashing down, just as the icebergs are doing in Antarctica? What if the measurement of warmth in all relationships began to rise? I have had the good fortune to travel to many countries around the globe in the last 10 years in my role as an ambassador of life coaching, both for the Institute for Life Coach Training and for the profession at large. I have always noticed how people everywhere respond well to human friendliness despite the politics of individual countries. If you act friendly, you are treated as a friend, and if you are courteous, you are treated with courtesy. If you ask people about themselves with non-judgmental curiosity and really want to know, they respond with openness and glee.

My graduate training in psychology in the 1970s was in Humanistic and Transpersonal Psychology. I pursued those fields of study because I believed in the possibility of learning and applying wisdom and tools that allowed people to pursue happiness and overcome life stressors that lead to the antithesis of peace. Yes, of course, I was an idealist of the Love Generation, but what’s wrong with idealism? Ideals are what we need to pursue more often, but through a sense of global connection and people-to-people experiences – not the disconnection that seems so pervasive in our governments and political leadership.

The new EQ age

Given the research today in the areas of Positive Psychology and Emotional Intelligence (EQ), we have evidence of techniques and outcomes that improve relationships, embrace diversity, strengthen our ability to be open-minded and less judgmental, and improve the honest, clear communication that is necessary to foster good relation-ships. Shouldn’t this research be applied to global relations and community challenges so that we can bypass the typical political efforts among the leaders of countries?

Martin Seligman, in his introduction to the Handbook of Positive Psychology (Snyder, C.R. and Lopez, S.editors, 2002) states, “I believe that a psychology of positive human functioning will arise that achieves a scientific understanding and effective interventions to build thriving individuals, families and communities. You may think this is pure fantasy that psychology will never look beyond the victim, the underdog, and the remedial. But I want to suggest that the time is finally right.” He goes on to say, “I predict that Positive Psychology in this new century will come to understand and build those factors that allow individuals, communities, and societies to flourish.”

I would add that the timing could not be more crucial. Global warming of the human kind needs to erupt in surprising and multiple places on Earth. Didn’t it surprise most experts when the Berlin wall came down? What metaphorical walls could come down if there were a mass movement of  people-to-people and village-to-village peaceful actions with purpose? That is how all movements begin. It is time for another peace movement, this time armed with the coach approach and the science of Positive Psychology.

Starting a global conversation

For 18 years, I was a member of Rotary International (I travel too much now to be a member locally). As a member, I had the great experience of volunteering with projects in Mexico several times and also housed six exchange students in our house for three to six months each time. Both of these experiences created in me great warmth toward a culture I was unfamiliar with and expanded my view of diversity and the importance of being curious and open-minded rather than judgmental and close-minded. Many other organizations sponsor similar cultural exchange programs. How might professional coaches begin to sponsor or encourage experiences with the coach approach included?

It is time for another peace movement, this time armed with the coach approach and the science of positive psychology

I have enormous confidence in the positive impact that the spread of authentic coaching conversations could have on the world.

What would it take to start a coaching conversation movement? Like the woman in Africa who is planting millions of trees, or the young teenagers who started Cell Phones for Soldiers as a way for men and women in the armed services around the globe to communicate affordably with their families, or any of the other great movements that have started with just “a good idea shared with friends”?

What would it take to make coaching conversations a buzzword on YouTube, MySpace, Facebook, Google, Yahoo, and blogs everywhere?

I believe that people really want to feel more connected with others and are curious about other cultures. Let’s end prejudice that prevents openness to learning.

Let me know how we can start a Global Warming in People’s Hearts message and spread this message around the globe. Send your ideas to: ideas@lifecoachtraining.com. Let’s get together and do something big to create an increase in global warming within the human family.

copyright @ Patrick Williams EdD, MCC (published in Choice Magazine)

One of the early pioneers of coaching, Pat is often called the ambassador of life coaching.
Pat has been a licensed psychologist since 1980 and began executive coaching in 1990 with Hewlett Packard, IBM, Kodak and other companies along the front range of Colorado.
He is a member of PHI BETA KAPPA and CUM LAUDE graduate of Kansas University in 1972. He completed his masters in Humanistic Psychology in 1975(University of West Georgia) and doctorate in Transpersonal Psychology in 1977.(University of Northern Colorado)

Pat joined Coach U in 1996, closed his therapy practice six months later and becamea full time coach. Pat
was a senior trainer with Coach U from 1997-1998. He then started his own coach training school, the
Institute for Life Coach Training (ILCT) which specializes in training those with a human services
orientation. ILCT has trained over 2,500 helping professionals and has opened offices in Korea, Turkey,
Italy, China and the UK.

Pat is department chair of the Coaching Psychology program at the International University of Professional
Studies (www.iups.edu), and has taught graduate coaching classes at Colorado State University and Denver
University, Fielding University, City University of London and many others. He was also a curriculum
consultant for the Coaching Certificate program at Fielding International University.

Pat is a past board member of the International Coach Federation (ICF), and co-chaired the ICF regulatory
committee. He is currently president of ACTO, the Association of Coach Training Organizations and an
honorary VP of the Association of Coaching Psychology. Pat was also honored in 2008 as the educator of
the year for the New England Educational Institute. In May of 2006 Pat was awarded the first Global Visionary Fellowship by the Foundation of Coaching for his Coaching the Global Village, initiative to bring coachingmethodologies to villages in developing countries and to leaders of non profits and nongovernmentalorganizations who serve them. He is passionate about coaching and dedicated to ensuring it remain.

www.lifecoachtraining.com and www.coachingtheglobalvillage.com