By Drift or Design?

by Terrie Lupberger MCC
(MMC guest master coach and blogger)

One of my clients recently told me that after 27 years of marriage her husband has just asked for a divorce. Apparently he had been miserable for the last 15 of those 27 years. ‘No’, she didn’t see any signs of his unhappiness but then again, she admitted that she’s been pretty caught up in her own work for so long that maybe she didn’t notice the signs. Another client, a senior manager, has been so overwhelmed with work for so long that he’s gotten use to only spending about 10 hours a month with his family. It’s ‘not ideal’ he says but there isn’t much he can do about either.

I can’t tell you how many people I’ve worked with over the years that have similar stories. Their professions and life circumstances vary widely but they are all surprised and disillusioned to find themselves in circumstances, relationships, and jobs that have little connection any more with what’s really important to them. Somewhere along the course of their life they got caught in what I call the drift.

Whether leading others or leading your own life it seems to me there are two primary paths you can take. You either spend most of your time reacting to circumstances, acting mostly out of habit and at the effect of what others want of you (the drift) OR you are conscious and purposeful in designing how you spend your time, and with whom, as a reflection of what matters most to you.

OK, maybe it’s not that simple or black and white, but it’s a powerful way to orient yourself in both your professional and personal life.

In the drift, your life is the result of just the way you’ve come to do things. It’s a result of a million small and not-so-small decisions that you made out of habit or fear or justifications and reasons to accommodate to the circumstances.

In the design, your life is about consciously choosing to take actions consistent with your values, your inner knowing, and your most important cares.

In the drift, you’re blind to the possibilities that things could be done differently. You take your habitual choices and your ways of responding to things as the norm.

In the design you’re aware that your thinking and your actions are either generating what you want or they aren’t.

In the drift, you are more likely to blame your circumstances or others for why you don’t have what you want.

In the design you know you have more choice than you think you do. You know you have options to design it differently and you always have the option to relate to your circumstances differently, even if you can’t change them.

In the drift you have a whole lot of reasons why you have to keep doing what you’re doing.

In the design you muster your courage and take risks to get results, and, even if you fail, you know you were acting out of alignment and integrity with what matters most.

The drift shows up in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Take, for example, the senior manager who is so overwhelmed with work that he doesn’t have time to return emails in a timely manner. Ironically, the lack of communication with his team is the reason there are so many emails in the first place but he can’t see that – he doesn’t have the time. Or consider the project team that is so busy reacting to changing user requirements that they don’t step back to see if the overall project plan and direction still makes sense to their customers.

I worked with the CEO of a medical research lab who had been putting up with a verbally abusive boss for 4 years. Getting her son through college was the reason that she justified not taking different actions. There’s the HR Director who traveled internationally every month and was considered a superstar at work, year after year exceeding all the milestones, but was starting to wonder if there was more to life than an 80 hour work week with little energy or time left to tend to her own wants and needs outside of work.

You, yourself, may have been saying for some time that you’re going to finish writing that book, or start a new business, or move to a new town, or get back to exercising – but everything else takes precedent. You’ve been unhappy at your current work for a while but everyone is telling you how good you have it made so you stay. You’ve been so busy tending to kids, or to that little voice in your head insisting you work hard so you aren’t found out as an imposter, or to the demands of your boss, spouse or parents, that you’ve ignored your own health, well-being and aspirations.

Let’s face it, we all have been taken by the drift at different times in our lives. I even think the drift can be a healthy space to hang out in for a while – taking the time to more deeply listen to what wants to emerge next in your personal or professional life. It’s just that too many people don’t even know they’re in the drift, don’t know or believe there’s an alternative.

The problem with that is – and that old saying sums it up perfectly – ‘if you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.’ You see, the future exists only in the present. Let me say that again in case you missed it. The future exists only in the present. If there isn’t attention on it now then you will be a product of the drift of action, not the author of them. You’ll keep getting more of the same.

So, maybe it’s worth your time to consider this important but undervalued exploration. Ask yourself: Are you living and leading, right now, by drift or by design? Are you conscious and intentional and designing the actions needed to take care of what you most care about? Or, are you too busy reacting to circumstances, events, and what other people want for and from you?

It’s not too late if you answered yes to the latter. It will take awareness, courage and some friendly support. But, in the end, who do you want to say authored your life?

copyright @2017 Terrie Lupberger all rights reserved

Terrie is an executive coach and talent developer for leaders, managers and teams worldwide, Terrie’s international experience, executive coaching skills and tool set, plus 20 years of experience as a CEO and Senior Executive give her a unique vantage point when working with her clients.

Terrie is a pioneer in the field of coaching. She helped develop the core coaching competencies being used today as the standard of coaching professionalism worldwide. She is a former Board Member of the International Coach Federation, mentors coaches pursuing mastery and teaches executive coaching at the University of Miami as well as in Europe and Asia. She is a contributing author to several books on coaching including: A Coach’s Guide to Emotional Intelligence and The Handbook of Knowledge-Based Coaching. She works with coaches pursuing mastery in the profession.

www.terrielupberger.com

I created Inside the World of Master Coaching, a tele-class series giving coaches a chance to observe and learn from mastery in action by listening to the masters coaching real world sessions then answering questions.

I did so because I firmly believe that in order to become masterful, to work towards mastery it is imperative that we study with and watch the masterful as they do what they do best!

So don't waste time, energy and money instead go straight to the top, to the masters!

Where you will:

• get the purest and greatest learning
• make greater leaps and bounds at a quicker pace
• receive transformational insights and inspiration
• avoid learning bad habits and being taught incomplete or misinformation.  

This is why Moore Master Coaching is also proud to be sponsoring this year’s most important event: Essence of Mastery Summit - created and hosted by two masters Fran Fisher MCC and Annie Gelfand MCC.

They, along with 6 other masterful coaches, will each be sharing their mastery on a vital coaching topic near and dear to their heart. And CEUs are available!

By the way, all of the MCCs in the summit have been guest master coaches on the MMC teleclass series! You can read more about their calls on the past calls page.

Be sure to check out the Essence of Mastery Summit, you don’t want to miss it! Early bird rate expires March 24^th!

And if you're ready to hear what masterful coaching sounds like, get a free sneak peak of my series here.

Follow Your Inner Shaman
by Margie Gordillo MCC
(MMC guest master coach and blogger)

To be taken seriously in his or her tribe as a true healer, the ancient shaman had to return from death or a near-death experience, or from the brink of insanity. The shaman knows the only way to deeper truth leading to profound healing is to walk through the dark side of the inner self. And it’s that darker side of us, our shadow, that keeps hidden the full truth of who we are – our authentic selves. Hidden from our deepest truth, we are blocked from our greatest authentic resourcefulness.

Fortunately, leaders today don’t need anything so dramatic as near-death experiences to be taken seriously, or to find their truest expression.

But neither is it easy.

As a descendent of Nicaragua’s Nicoya tribe, a Shamanic mountain tribe revered for their intuitive and healing gifts, intuition has always come easy to me. Authenticity has not.

Our shadows create unconscious blocks to our strongest expressions of authentic leadership and honest communication, impacting our every choice. Over time, we build up defenses, patterns, and habits to help us cope, often not recognizing how much energy goes to hiding shame, blame and inadequacy that the shadow clings to. Those coping mechanisms lurk beneath the surface of our consciousness, cause us to give up our power, and keep us from boldly and intuitively living our lives with confidence, compassion, resourcefulness and strength.

             We’re gifted at different times in our lives to take that dark walk.

When we’re ready, or when it’s thrust upon us, there are tools such as the Enneagram that can help. I’ll explore some of these in future posts.

For now, recognize we all have blocks to our greater potential. It’s the chatter in our heads that says we’re wrong, we don’t have what it takes (not really), everything’s my fault… Some of you may be saying to yourself, “I’ve already worked through that,” and you’re right. And yet, we’re always given another chance to take a deeper look, to peel off the proverbial layers.

To fully, completely live an authentic life, we must dive into our deeper selves with the fearlessness of a shaman, the courage of a soldier, and the heart of a lion. When we do this, then, and only then, will we live with passion and authenticity. 

copyright @2017 all rights reserved
 

About Margie: Feeling unsatisfied with her executive corporate success, Margie left her job behind to embark on a Shamanic journey, 'coincidentally' on September 11, 2001 -- the same day the U.S. experienced a great destruction to some of its core structure.

​Allowing her own construct of reality to deconstruct, she discovered the essence of her authentic self, embracing her Nicoya Shaman roots from her Nicaraguan heritage. Learning inner stillness and connecting to nature as simple, yet divine, Margie discovered the deep powers of intuition that her rational mind up to that point had resisted.

​Eventually, she was guided to intuitive life coaching as an answer to her question: Where and how do I make the greatest impact for positive change using my natural gifts?
 
Margie is an International Coach Federation Master Certified Coach with more than a decade of professional coaching experience. Also a Certified Mentor Coach, Margie has trained and mentored scores of individuals and members of large organizations seeking ICF certification .

She was first certified as a co-active coach from the Coaches Training Institute in San Francisco, followed by advanced training at inviteChange in Seattle, both highly acclaimed organizations in the coaching industry. 

​Margie holds a Master of Arts degree in Transpersonal Psychology.

www.getrealcoach.net  
www.getrealcoach.net/blog

By Donna Zajonc MCC and David Emerald 
(Donna was a guest MCC May 2015)

Goal setting is a valuable practice that helps you stay on track and get things done.   Goals are essential for completing tasks, whether it is developing a new business skill, learning a new hobby or cleaning the garage.

While setting goals can motivate you, they can also produce a feeling that what you currently have isn't enough.  A sense of unease can come over you if your goal-oriented life discounts all that is good in the present moment.  In short, while goals can move you forward, you can also feel victimized by constant "what's next?" thinking.

Questions may start haunting you:  Am I going to fulfill my goal?  Will I be successful or not?  Will I be happy once I reach the goal?  Should I set another goal to keep the pressure on?  Am I a failure if the goal is not reached?

A winning or losing mindset can operate in the back of your mind, which fuels the internal Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) ™.   If you don't reach your goal, the Victim mindset says, "Why try anyway.  I'll never be a success."

The controlling Persecutor in you may take over and interfere with other important aspects of your life.  You might accomplish your goals but the rest of your life might fall apart.  In short, over reliance on goal-setting can become a winner-take-all plot that dominates your life.

Living your intentions, on the other hand, is much different.  Being intentional allows you to focus on how you want to be in the moment, independent of whether you are winning or losing.  Creators balance their desired outcome with intentions first, based upon their values and what matters most to them.   Goal-setting then naturally follows.  For a Creator, the source of satisfaction and happiness is both the experience in the moment, as well as the desired goal or outcome.

A metaphor may help illustrate the distinction between intentions and goals.

We live in the US near a national forest which has wonderful day hikes that allow spectacular views.  Our goal may be to hike to the top of a small mountain and wish to see the extraordinary view from the summit.  It's a worthy goal that gets us excited and motivates us to schedule a hike.

Before we begin the hike, we set our intention to be present to the sights and smells along the trail, noticing the beauty of the plants and unexpected vistas that arise with each twist in the trail.  Even if the forest fog unexpectedly rolls in and prevents us from hiking to the summit, our intention to enjoy one another and nature's beauty can still be fulfilled.

If we are just focused on the goal of reaching the summit - and the fog prevents that - we can return home feeling victimized.  As Creators focused on our intention being fully present to the experience, we can return satisfied that we fulfilled the intention.

Focusing on intentions does not mean you give up your goals or desire to achieve.   Here are three differences between goals and intentions:

• Goals are focused on the future. Intentions are in the present moment.
• Goals are a destination or specific achievement. Intentions are lived each day, independent of achieving the goal or destination.
• Goals are external achievements. Intentions are your inner relationships with yourself and others.

By setting your intention first, and combining it with goals, you will become a Creator who enjoys both the journey, as much as the destination.

Taken from the Power of TED* newsletter where they share insights about how to shift from drama to empowerment. The newsletter is written and edited by David Emerald and Donna Zajonc © 2017, with all rights reserved.

Like this article? Check out the Archives for more TED* Works! 
Learn more about TED* - www.powerofted.com

Donna Zajonc, MCC is Director of Coaching and Practitioner Services for The Power of TED*. She applies the TED* work in her coaching, facilitating and speaking work, to help clients focus on creating bold and powerful choices.

Having had a full-time professional coaching practice for many years, Donna collaborates with David Emerald, author of The Power of TED* as both wife and business partner.

Reassess Millennials’ Social Sharing Habits

By Judith E. Glaser & Ashley Blundetto 
hbr.org
March 27, 2015

Millennials are often maligned for their constant technology use and obsession with the social approval signaled by likes, shares, and retweets. But organizations need to start recognizing the benefits of such behavior and harnessing it. This generational cohort will, by some estimates, account for nearly 75% of the workforce by 2025. And, according to a recent Deloitte survey of 7,800 people from 29 countries, only 28% of currently employed Millennials feel their companies are fully using their skills.

How can smart leaders better leverage the talents of these future leaders? As organizational consultants, we tell our clients to consider what makes them tick and to see the value in those interests. Two points are of particular note:

First, social sharing. Neuroscientists have shown that any kind of positive personal interaction lights up a part of the brain called the temporoparietal junction, which stimulates the production of oxytocin, “the feel-good hormone.” Millennials, who have grown up interacting online, are able to get that same high, more often, through technology, by posting, messaging, forwarding and favoriting multiple times a day. They crave that connection and are therefore natural team players.

Second, constant, complex data flow. Research tells us that multitasking is impossible: people can only do two things at once if one of those things is routine. Also, those who regularly use multiple forms of media are more prone to distraction than those who don’t. But, according to Nielson Neurofocus, EEG readings suggest that younger brains have higher multi-sensory processing capacity than older ones and are most stimulated – that its more engaged with and more likely to pay attention to and remember – dynamic messages. Millennials probably aren’t more effective multitaskers, in the strict sense of the world, but, in their current stage of brain development, they seem better able to tolerate and integrate multiple streams of information.

Angela Ahrendts, the former CEO of Burberry, recognized that she could turn these two hallmarks of Millennial behavior into an asset for the fashion brand. In 2006, she hired a large number of “digital natives,” as she called them, to do what they do best: socialize through technology. As she explains in this video, they created an expansive digital platform, which transformed the company’s image and dramatically accelerated its growth. One highlight was “Tweet Walk,” which turned Burberry’s traditional runway show into a live web broadcast.

While Baby Boomers might see phones, tablets, and other devices as distractions, Millennials use them to collaborate and innovate in real time. While Gen-Xers may view aggressive social sharing as an unhealthy mix of the personal and professional, Millennials see it as a way to gather input and learn from others. Millennials understand, embrace and are evolving with our exponentially expanding digital world. Instead of judging their behavior, we need to better leverage it.

@Judith E. Glaser all rights reserved
_______________________________________________________________________________________

Judith E. Glaser is an Organizational Anthropologist. She is one of the most pioneering and innovative change agents, consultants, and executive coaches, in the consulting industry and is the world’s leading authority on Conversational Intelligence®, Neuro-innovation, and WE-centric Leadership. She is a best-selling author of seven business books including her newest best seller - Conversational Intelligence: How Great Leaders Build Trust and Get Extraordinary Results. Through the application of ‘the neuroscience of we’ to business challenges, Judith shows CEOs and their teams how to elevate levels of engagement, collaboration and innovation to positively impact the bottom line.

Judith is the founder and CEO of Benchmark Communications, Inc., and the Chairman of The CreatingWE Institute. Her transformational approaches using neuroscience and anthropology enables leaders to raise their Conversational Intelligence® and establish WE- centric cultures to build agile and higher performing individuals and teams poised to impact the bottom line and top line results in their organizations. 

www.creatingwe.com

Mark you calendars for Friday October 21, 2016  1-2pm Eastern Time.

Leader and team Master Coach Dr. Diane Brennan MBA, MCC will be coaching a healthcare CEO live!

How often do you get to hear a CEO coached? And by a Master Coach? Seriously!

Of this ongoing client of hers, Diane had this to say:

"He's an amazing individual. He's not a coach, but he's extremely diligent in professional development for self and with others."

We will then have a chance to hear Diane talk about her process and ask her any questions we may have for example about the session, our own practice and clients or coaching in general...anything!

This is a precious opportunity and ICF and BCC CEUs are available.

Hope to "see" you there! www.mooremastercoaching.com/next_call

May the Masters inspire your Greatness,

Gail

By Annie Gelfand CPCC, MCC
MMC guest blogger & this months (9/28) guest master coach

Have you ever done this? The same thing over and over again hoping for a different result? I have.

I have tried so hard to understand my past. So many of our helping professions focus on the past. They think that by delving in deeply, they will loosen the attachment and give space for something different.

And that definitely has a place – until it doesn’t. Ultimately I reached a point where focusing on the past stuck me there. I finally got that doesn’t change anything. The past is over. Telling the story over and over keeps you stuck in your story – until you find that place where you are truly free from the past – where all the emotional turmoil and limitations you bought about you and the world around you is unseated.

This is not to say to the past has no relevance. On the contrary. What can you take away from the past that will change your future?

What choices do I have now that I never had before? What if I create my future with every choice I make today? What if all choices create your tomorrow? What tomorrow can I create with my choice today that will create beyond this reality?

Copyright Annie Gelfand 2016 All Rights Reserved

One Surprising Secret and Three Tips for Listening Masterfully
by Lyn Allen MCC
MMC guest master coach and blogger

Multi-dimensional listening is the ability to hear simultaneously on multiple levels and to track multiple threads in what you are hearing. You listen consciously rather than unconsciously, and use listening as a form of mindfulness practice.

The most surprising thing about multi-dimensional (masterful) listening? It requires you to listen to yourself.

Yup.

You need to be both observer and observed. (Remember – mindfulness practice.)

Listening consciously means you notice your own thoughts, beliefs, needs and reactions as they surface during the listening. It also means being aware of (translation: present with) what’s alive and running for you prior to listening.

In other words, what backdrop is in place before you attempt to fully hear another person? What inner noise or static is eating up your bandwidth, keeping you from being fully present in ways required for conscious listening?

When you practice being fully present with and attentive to yourself, you go beyond hearing the words being spoken by someone else. You will likely also hear:

• What their mood and perspective is, what their underlying beliefs and needs are. (Coaches, you might recognize this as listening to “who” the person is, not just what they are saying.)
• Opportunities to deepen discovery, to get to the core of what’s really going on, and to take critical next steps in a path of personal or professional development.
• Equally as essential, you will hear how your internal eco-system influences your listening at any given time, how it shapes your interpretation and how it limits or expands understanding.

How to expand your capacity for listening multi-dimensionally? Here are a few of the foundational elements of conscious, masterful listening from my Essential Coaching Skills program:

• Cultivate your capacity for being fully present, first with yourself in the unfolding now as a basis for how you are present with and listening to others.
• Practice listening to yourself and practice compassion as you notice what’s present within you.
• Practice listening from deep within you rather than simply from your head; allow your entire body to be a receiver of the signals being sent to you by others, especially as you practice listening.

Copyright Lyn Allen MCC 2016 All Rights Reserved

Lyn Allen MCC

Named by CNN’s iReport as one of America’s top coaches, Lyn Allen, MCC, PMC, has been a pioneer in the coaching field for 20 years. One of the early Master Certified Coaches, Lyn has served as a member of the Assessor Team in credentialing for the International Coach Federation, and as a faculty member for several coach training programs.

In private practice as a coach since 1993, Lyn was a member of the original faculty and advisory board of CoachU, and part of CU’s original curriculum development team. Also a graduate of the pioneering Coaching With Love program, she has mentored and trained coaches around the world since 1994.

She co-authored two of the earliest publications in the coaching field: Closing the Gap in Management, and the audio, Coaching From the Heart. Lyn now provides continuing education programs for certified coaches, including her pioneering work in the use of image-based language to enhance client learning. She also offers a free monthly call for coaches-The Heart and Soul of Coaching.
www.coachesfinishingschool.com
www.lynallen.com

photo by Gualberto107 freedigitalphotos.net

Listen Till You No Longer Exist
How to honour the deepest aspects of self and others in our listening

Christine McDougall MCC
(MMC guest master coach and blogger)
 

“Forgetfulness of self is remembrance of God.” al-Bistami
Rare is our experience of being heard. Really deeply, wholly heard. Yet we remember those moments….when we were witnessed by another human, in our wholeness.

To listen to another is one of the highest gifts of respect we can ever bestow. Priceless in magnitude. Costing only our need to have an answer, or be right, or smart… or to be heard and understood ourselves. To listen to ourselves…the call of our soul…is the highest gift we can give ourselves.

Listening is a complex art form, requiring senses that transcend the humble ear. It requires daily practice, ever and always moving towards the next phase of mastery, never quite within our grasp.

In its most simple form, to listen utilises the sense of hearing.

Be still, hear the sounds around you in the exterior world. The bird call, the wind in the tree’s, the sound of the keyboard as I type, the very low electronic hum of the computer.

Going deeper, into our interior, we might be able to hear our breath, our heart beat, even our organs moving, our stomachs digesting, or our body signaling pain, stress, or discomfort. If we really listen to our physical body, we will hear that it needs food, water, clothing, comfort, attention-even right down to the type of food, the level of attention.

At this stage we have transcended sound and tapped into wisdom that comes from years of paying attention to the finest subtleties. Few of us have paid enough attention, given enough time, to the hearing of the needs of our physical, emotional and spiritual bodies. (See the article on physical intelligence)

We have lost, or indeed never found, the most precious connection we have – hearing the call of our souls. Hence we have lost connection to our very selves.

In the world of ~out there~ where our relationships are built, our work is done and our lives are lived, to work at improving listening skills is one of the most fundamental of all of the essential skills and critical to conscious communication.

And it is a skill, to be learned, honed, practiced, critiqued, developed.

To listen is the dual of speaking, and together they make the whole of conversation. One cannot exist without the other. And yet our world spends more time speaking. Do you also?

We are afraid of silence, of stillness.

‘Conversation’ comes from Latin, means the act of living with – “to turn about” with. Conversation requires at minimum two. Either the speaker and the person hearing as two entities, or the speaker and the listener within a single entity. If I am in conversation with myself, often times I am speaking to myself-endlessly, without pause. Yet few times do I actually hear the words. Few times am I still long enough to hear the endless and nauseatingly petty interior self chatter. My self talk lives so far below my conscious awareness, like the hum of the cars on a nearby freeway, or the sound of waves when living by the beach.

Self awareness includes the ability to hear with acuity to this ongoing hum of words and thought. To catch ourselves in the inner conversation, to eavesdrop on our deepest darkest secrets, and in so doing surface them into our awareness. This is the very act of becoming conscious. To listen to our inner self at the deepest level.

Conscious communication requires the deepest hearing without compromise.

Ask yourself when you last felt someone heard you at this level, transcending all of their petty self issues of criticism and judgment in their overall willingness simply to hear YOU?

Do you yearn for this level of conversation? Communion?

When did you last extend this courtesy of really hearing another? How often do you and your significant others listen to each other at this level?

How often do you listen to yourself with this level of attention? What would you hear if you did? Are you nervous about what you may hear? That your job leaves your soul cold, that your relationship needs intensive care, that your health is in dire straights? That you have lost connection with your spirit? That you are lost…and have no idea how to find you…

Our highest act of service in listening is to give up self. When we do this in our conversation with self, we give up what we want to hear, what we think we should hear, and all of our judgments about what is right, wrong, good and bad.

When I am eavesdropping on my soul, I need to get past my noisy, always chatting mind, passed the conditioned thoughts, passed my righteousness, and into the bedrock of truth. I need to access the part of me that is steady, all wise, all knowing, ever present. And yes, what I hear could be very scary. I might have spent my life going right, and I may need to go left.

The truth, no matter how frightening, will prevail in the end, and I can either heed it now, or suffer the days, months, or years of denial. As the poet David Whyte says so eloquently…”Bankruptcy may be something your soul has been secretly engineering your entire life.” In my ability to hear my truth, I will find my liberation, my ability to be aligned with how I live my life and all that I am.

When I am in a conversation with another, listening until I no longer exist means to transcend myself in the conversation. To NOT have the conversation be about ME. I need to be able to get passed all of my personal issues, my need to be right, liked, smart, good, nice. In order to do this my focus needs to be entirely on you, and my deepest intention and desire is to inhabit your world to the level of understanding and intimacy that will be felt profoundly by you.

You, the speaker, will know that you have been completely heard, completely understood, and in the process, given absolute grace as the speaker. I do not need to agree with you, however, you will know that I have heard you at the level of soul.

In my work with entrepreneurs and leaders, I create the field where I am privileged to be present to words and feelings that might have been surfaced for the very first time. I witness Truths, callings, yearnings, questions..the unspoken…The beauty of this…that when we speak the unspoken, when the unspoken is witnessed, everything shifts, and moves towards light. Listening to another, to the fullness of their humanity…this…this is to commune, to experience connection that transcends words.

Those who know this experience know its worth.

@Christine McDougall 2016 all rights reserved

About Christine McDougall MCC

I am a leader in co-creating profound personal and social behavioural change models that benefit the individual and the surrounding community.
“Christine’s ability to work with clients and navigate the darkest and most restrictive parts of themselves to create the clarity necessary for their personal success is second to none.  With two decades of coaching and behavioural change management experience, Christine work has been entrusted by some of the world’s most intelligent entrepreneurs through to those in the grips of their deepest dark night as well as corporate organisations desiring transformational change."
www.223am.com

Are You Sabotaging Your Success?
By Dr. Marcia Reynolds MCC
(MMC guest master coach and blogger)

I recently had a company hire me to increase the emotional intelligence of their leaders because the employees were stressed, making mistakes, losing business, and arguing more than helping each other. It was hard for me to make appointments with the leaders because they were so busy. I quickly learned there was an unspoken expectation that all employees, especially the leaders, be “always on.” One leader told me, “Until we get out of this crisis, things like relaxing and family time will have to wait.”

What the leaders didn’t understand is that the ability to act with emotional intelligence is impaired by sleep deprivation, poor nutrition, noise pollution, excessive conflict, money problems and a shortage of friends.

Nothing I say, or any other tips you read in leadership books and articles, will work for you if you don’t rigidly take care of yourself.

So before you read this or any other article on leadership or coaching success, go for a walk. You can’t give good feedback, inspire others, facilitate new ideas, or strategize your way out of a paper bag if your brain and body aren’t functioning well. No matter how smart you are, your stressed biology will sabotage your success as a performer and a leader.

Working harder can hurt your success

The lack of sleep alone blunts your ability to see the positive side of situations. According to the studies cited in Tori Rodriguez’s article, Why Sleep Deprivation Makes You Crabby, the lack of sleep not only triggers you to overreact to annoyances, you lose the ability to react with positive feelings to good events. It’s nearly impossible to be compassionate, encouraging, and optimistic when you are tired.

Then there are the contagious effects of stress. Not only are humans designed to pick up and feel negative emotions, according to social dominance research whatever the leader feels will have the greatest effect on the people in the room. If you are angry, agitated or disappointed, other people will take on your negativity and uncertainty. They will become anxious, defensive or shut down even if they came into the room feeling good.

Poor eating habits come at a cost to the brain. Gastrointestinal inflammation from a diet of processed foods are tied to depression, lethargy and other mental disorders.

Studies have demonstrated the negative effects of worrying about money and of having few or no friends to talk to when problems arise. On the flip side, spending time with friends doing enjoyable activities gives your body and brain the recovery time it needs to re-energize.

What you can do now

Although it’s unlikely that the pace or intensity of work will change anytime soon, you can take steps to strengthen your personal foundation so when you try to implement leadership techniques, you increase your chances of success.

1. Disconnect. The McKinsey Quarterly suggests that “always-on, multitasking work environments are killing productivity, dampening creativity, and making us unhappy.” What can you do to totally disconnect from work? Focusing on fun, being alert to the gifts of the moment, and caring for others outside of work in a way that makes you feel good can help.
2. Be mindful of your eating and exercise. Kim Scott, who teaches the power of Radical Candor, says that she realized the most important thing she could do for her employees was to go for a run every morning. “You can’t possibly give a damn about other people if you don’t give a damn about yourself,” Scott says. Success starts with eating well, regularly exercising, and making sure you get a good night’s sleep.
3. Call a friend. Biologically, when you socially connect with another person, you activate the brain regions that improve health and increase creativity. Having a good friend to call is a major stress release. Just be sure you talk about and do things that make you happy and laugh. Don’t just find people who will commiserate with you. If you don’t have friends to readily call on, look to connect with people in your professional associations, in classes at your local universities and colleges, and even at your gym.
4. Model and encourage well-being practices. While stress can be contagious, the converse is also true: your well-being and optimism will spread to others. Share what you are doing to uplift your energy and mood. Encourage others take time for exercise and other renewal activities, and make sure calendars aren’t packed so tightly that no one has time to breathe. Build buffer time into schedules so people can work at a manageable pace.

Bottom line, when you are healthy and happy you enable higher performance, engagement, and creative thinking. Take care of yourself and encourage others to do this as well to improve success at work and in life.

@Dr. Marcia Reynolds 2016 from her Brain Tip Newsletter

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Dr. Marcia Reynolds MCC, president of Covisioning LLC, is fascinated by the brain, especially what triggers enthusiasm and innovation. This fascination has led her down many roads in her desire to stay on top of the shifts in employee engagement and leadership development. On this journey, she wove together three areas of expertise: organizational change, coaching and emotional intelligence. She is able to draw on these areas as she works with her latest passion—changing the conversations leaders have at work. She feels the most effective leaders help people think more broadly for themselves. When leaders have powerful conversations that change people’s minds from the inside out, the workplace comes alive with an eagerness to discover what is possible.

http://​www.outsmartyourbrain.com