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Welcome to the Moore Master Coaching 
"Coach Talk" Blog!

*Please know that any post deemed to be disrespectful or not relevant to the conversation will not be approved.

Thursday, October 12 2017
When Chaos Hits, Do We Practice What We Preach?

By Gail Moore CPC

"Chaotic" is being used a lot nowadays to describe the world we live in. So what's the opportunity? For me it's how can I be the eye of the hurricane?

I had a chance to work on it while going through an actual hurricane :-) and the chaos of waiting and preparing for Irma's potential devastation.

The biggest test: with the frantic voices of others saying "Oh my God get out" and the dire radar predictions from the weather folks- could I get still, listen and trust my own inner knowing?

Everyday for a week prior, in meditation I did just that and everytime the answer consistently was to "stay put".

I truly believe we can not escape our destiny. So many people have left to avoid hurricanes only to run right into them.

So I knew that following this inner guidance didn't necessarily mean everything was going to turn out great according to my ego but just that this was where I was suppose to be. And for me not trusting myself would have been the real catastrophe.

Thank goodness everything turned out well in my area. And although the debris it stirred up within me has ranged from uncomfortable to painful, the rewards so far have been off the charts!

Posted by: Gail Moore CPC AT 04:35 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Monday, September 25 2017
Marty Raphael MCC Coaches Live!

Join us Wednesday 9/27, 12-1pm ET!

Master Coach Marty Raphael will be coaching a client she's never met. She is a leader at a wealth management firm. She's looking for direction on how to balance her life, time management ideas- how to grow and to stay more focused.

Sound familiar? Come learn from a Master coaching, then sharing her process and answering our questions. 

Posted by: Gail Moore AT 01:20 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, August 25 2017
Philip Cohen MCC Coaches Live!
Posted by: Gail Moore AT 10:01 am   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Monday, August 14 2017
Questioning Strategy

Photo by Jarmoluk at Pixabay.com

Questioning Strategy
by Judy Irving MCC
(MMC guest master coach and blogger)

What’s the strategy for your life’s work? The word ‘work’ can be replaced with any such as career, life, marriage, the current project, or perhaps retirement? Have you defined your strategy? Is it working? How do you know? Do you actually have a plan in place or do you live life in default mode?

Many people will say my strategy is to earn enough money to pay my bills, educate my kids and someday retire. What if money is a side effect of doing valued work? What if educating your kids is a side effect of being a loving parent? What if retirement is a side effect of self-discipline? What if a life well lived means having a dependable strategy? What if the foundation for all of these is finding meaning in life?

As an leadership coach, I watch smart, educated, and skilled people with the potential to be great leaders and yet they are so focused on ‘doing’, staying busy, checking things off their list that they don’t stop and look at the bigger picture. Exactly where are all these actions leading me? Is being busy or getting things done enough?

I think the bigger question is what is the desired outcome and what is the real value of that outcome? What difference will it make to me, my life, my company, my family, my team, etc? How do I get my team or my family on board with this desired outcome? Is it clear enough and important enough that I can engage them in my vision? Can they get excited about it too? What choices and actions will lead to that outcome? What do we need – people, skills, training, resources? How much time will it take? How much time do we have?

If you are not taking the time to think through these questions – I call this executive think time and you should take this time daily – then you will continue to be Dolly or Darin Doer. Staying busy doing everything on your checklist, going to bed each night with a sense of accomplishment but rarely a sense of fulfillment. I suggest you begin by observing what gives you a sense of fulfillment. What does it feel like, where did it come from and how can you find more of it? Yes, coaches ask a lot of questions – try asking yourself a few.

@ Judy Irving 2017


Judy Irving is an Executive and Leadership Coach and owner of Moving On Coaching and Consulting, located in Las Vegas, NV. As a credential master coach by the International Coach Federation, she is among the top 2% of coaches internationally.

Visit her at http://www.movingon.net
Read more of her "transformativethoughts's" blog posts at www.judyirving.com

Posted by: Judy Irving MCC AT 08:44 am   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Tuesday, July 25 2017


“What got you here (PCC), will not get you there (MCC)” a coach was told by her MCC mentor coach, when feeling stuck in moving her skills to the MCC level.

So what will get her there? We’ll find out!

First by hearing those master level skills demonstrated as she is coached by Annette Hurley MCC.

And then we will be diving deep into the debriefing and extended Q&A.

No matter what our skill level, this will be incredibly fascinating, provide unique learning and is an opportunity to open up our world and really shift our coaching.

Plus get the MP3, ICF & BCC CE’s and MMC Nugget! CE's will be provided for the 1st hour.

Join us for this exciting adventure Monday July 31, 2017 12-1:30pm ET. 

Posted by: Gail Moore AT 12:17 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Tuesday, June 27 2017
Try Feedforward Instead of Feedback

Photo by Geralt

Try Feedforward Instead of Feedback

by Marshall Goldsmith

Providing feedback has long been considered to be an essential skill for leaders. As they strive to achieve the goals of the organization, employees need to know how they are doing. They need to know if their performance is in line with what their leaders expect. They need to learn what they have done well and what they need to change. Traditionally, this information has been communicated in the form of “downward feedback” from leaders to their employees. Just as employees need feedback from leaders, leaders can benefit from feedback from their employees. Employees can provide useful input on the effectiveness of procedures and processes and as well as input to managers on their leadership effectiveness. This “upward feedback” has become increasingly common with the advent of 360 degree multi-rater assessments.

But there is a fundamental problem with all types of feedback: it focuses on the past, on what has already occurred—not on the infinite variety of opportunities that can happen in the future. As such, feedback can be limited and static, as opposed to expansive and dynamic.
Over the past several years, I have observed more than thirty thousand leaders as they participated in a fascinating experiential exercise. In the exercise, participants are each asked to play two roles. In one role, they are asked provide feedforward —that is, to give someone else suggestions for the future and help as much as they can. In the second role, they are asked to accept feedforward—that is, to listen to the suggestions for the future and learn as much as they can. The exercise typically lasts for 10-15 minutes, and the average participant has 6-7 dialogue sessions. In the exercise participants are asked to:

• Pick one behavior that they would like to change. Change in this behavior should make a significant, positive difference in their lives.
• Describe this behavior to randomly selected fellow participants. This is done in one-on-one dialogues. It can be done quite simply, such as, “I want to be a better listener.”
• Ask for feedforward—for two suggestions for the future that might help them achieve a positive change in their selected behavior. If participants have worked together in the past, they are not allowed to give ANY feedback about the past. They are only allowed to give ideas for the future.
• Listen attentively to the suggestions and take notes. Participants are not allowed to comment on the suggestions in any way. They are not allowed to critique the suggestions or even to make positive judgmental statements, such as, “That’s a good idea.”
• Thank the other participants for their suggestions.
• Ask the other persons what they would like to change.
• Provide feedforward – two suggestions aimed at helping the other person change.
• Say, “You are welcome.” when thanked for the suggestions. The entire process of both giving and receiving feedforward usually takes about two minutes.
• Find another participant and keep repeating the process until the exercise is stopped.

When the exercise is finished, I ask participants to provide one word that best describes their reaction to this experience. I ask them to complete the sentence, “This exercise was …”. The words provided are almost always extremely positive, such as “great”, “energizing”, “useful”, or “helpful.” One of the most commonly-mentioned words is “fun!”
What is the last word that comes to mind when we consider any feedback activity? Fun!

Eleven Reasons to Try FeedForward
Participants are then asked why this exercise is seen as fun and helpful as opposed to painful, embarrassing, or uncomfortable. Their answers provide a great explanation of why feedforward can often be more useful than feedback as a developmental tool.

1. We can change the future. We can’t change the past. Feedforward helps people envision and focus on a positive future, not a failed past. Athletes are often trained using feedforward. Racecar drivers are taught to, “Look at the road ahead, not at the wall.” Basketball players are taught to envision the ball going in the hoop and to imagine the perfect shot. By giving people ideas on how they can be even more successful (as opposed to visualizing a failed past), we can increase their chances of achieving this success in the future.

2. It can be more productive to help people learn to be “right,” than prove they were “wrong.” Negative feedback often becomes an exercise in “let me prove you were wrong.” This tends to produce defensiveness on the part of the receiver and discomfort on the part of the sender. Even constructively delivered feedback is often seen as negative as it necessarily involves a discussion of mistakes, shortfalls, and problems. Feedforward, on the other hand, is almost always seen as positive because it focuses on solutions – not problems.

3. Feedforward is especially suited to successful people. Successful people like getting ideas that are aimed at helping them achieve their goals. They tend to resist negative judgment. We all tend to accept feedback that is consistent with the way we see ourselves. We also tend to reject or deny feedback that is inconsistent with the way we see ourselves. Successful people tend to have a very positive self-image. I have observed many successful executives respond to (and even enjoy) feedforward. I am not sure that these same people would have had such a positive reaction to feedback.

4. Feedforward can come from anyone who knows about the task. It does not require personal experience with the individual. One very common positive reaction to the previously described exercise is that participants are amazed by how much they can learn from people that they don’t know! For example, if you want to be a better listener, almost any fellow leader can give you ideas on how you can improve. They don’t have to know you. Feedback requires knowing about the person. Feedforward just requires having good ideas for achieving the task.

5. People do not take feedforward as personally as feedback. In theory, constructive feedback is supposed to “focus on the performance, not the person”. In practice, almost all feedback is taken personally (no matter how it is delivered). Successful people’s sense of identity is highly connected with their work. The more successful people are, the more this tends to be true. It is hard to give a dedicated professional feedback that is not taken personally. Feedforward cannot involve a personal critique, since it is discussing something that has not yet happened! Positive suggestions tend to be seen as objective advice – personal critiques are often viewed as personal attacks.

6. Feedback can reinforce personal stereotyping and negative self-fulfilling prophecies. Feedforward can reinforce the possibility of change. Feedback can reinforce the feeling of failure. How many of us have been “helped” by a spouse, significant other, or friend, who seems to have a near-photographic memory of our previous “sins” that they share with us in order to point out the history of our shortcomings. Negative feedback can be used to reinforce the message, “this is just the way you are”. Feedforward is based on the assumption that the receiver of suggestions can make positive changes in the future.

7. Face it! Most of us hate getting negative feedback, and we don’t like to give it. I have reviewed summary 360 degree feedback reports for over 50 companies. The items, “provides developmental feedback in a timely manner” and “encourages and accepts constructive criticism” both always score near the bottom on co-worker satisfaction with leaders. Traditional training does not seem to make a great deal of difference. If leaders got better at providing feedback every time the performance appraisal forms were “improved”, most should be perfect by now! Leaders are not very good at giving or receiving negative feedback. It is unlikely that this will change in the near future.

8. Feedforward can cover almost all of the same “material” as feedback. Imagine that you have just made a terrible presentation in front of the executive committee. Your manager is in the room. Rather than make you “relive” this humiliating experience, your manager might help you prepare for future presentations by giving you suggestions for the future. These suggestions can be very specific and still delivered in a positive way. In this way your manager can “cover the same points” without feeling embarrassed and without making you feel even more humiliated.

9. Feedforward tends to be much faster and more efficient than feedback. An excellent technique for giving ideas to successful people is to say, “Here are four ideas for the future. Please accept these in the positive spirit that they are given. If you can only use two of the ideas, you are still two ahead. Just ignore what doesn’t make sense for you.” With this approach almost no time gets wasted on judging the quality of the ideas or “proving that the ideas are wrong”. This “debate” time is usually negative; it can take up a lot of time, and it is often not very productive. By eliminating judgment of the ideas, the process becomes much more positive for the sender, as well as the receiver. Successful people tend to have a high need for self-determination and will tend to accept ideas that they “buy” while rejecting ideas that feel “forced” upon them.

10. Feedforward can be a useful tool to apply with managers, peers, and team members. Rightly or wrongly, feedback is associated with judgment. This can lead to very negative – or even career-limiting – unintended consequences when applied to managers or peers. Feedforward does not imply superiority of judgment. It is more focused on being a helpful “fellow traveler” than an “expert”. As such it can be easier to hear from a person who is not in a position of power or authority. An excellent team building exercise is to have each team member ask, “How can I better help our team in the future?” and listen to feedforward from fellow team members (in one-on-one dialogues.)

11. People tend to listen more attentively to feedforward than feedback. One participant is the feedforward exercise noted, “I think that I listened more effectively in this exercise than I ever do at work!” When asked why, he responded, “Normally, when others are speaking, I am so busy composing a reply that will make sure that I sound smart – that I am not fully listening to what the other person is saying I am just composing my response. In feedforward the only reply that I am allowed to make is ‘thank you’. Since I don’t have to worry about composing a clever reply – I can focus all of my energy on listening to the other person!”

In summary, the intent of this article is not to imply that leaders should never give feedback or that performance appraisals should be abandoned. The intent is to show how feedforward can often be preferable to feedback in day-to-day interactions. Aside from its effectiveness and efficiency, feedforward can make life a lot more enjoyable. When managers are asked, “How did you feel the last time you received feedback?” their most common responses are very negative. When managers are asked how they felt after receiving feedforward, they reply that feedforward was not only useful, it was also fun!

 Quality communication—between and among people at all levels and every department and division—is the glue that holds organizations together. By using feedforward—and by encouraging others to use it—leaders can dramatically improve the quality of communication in their organizations, ensuring that the right message is conveyed, and that those who receive it are receptive to its content. The result is a much more dynamic, much more open organization—one whose employees focus on the promise of the future rather than dwelling on the mistakes of the past.


Dr. Marshall Goldsmith is the million-selling author of the New York Times bestsellers MOJO and What Got You Here Won’t Get You There – the Harold Longman Award winner for Business Book of the Year.  Marshall was selected as the #1 Executive Coach in the World by GlobalGurus.org, and one of the 10 Most Influential Management Thinkers in the World by Thinkers50 in both 2011 and 2013. He was also selected as the World’s Most Influential Leadership Thinker in 2011. Marshall was the highest rated executive coach on the Thinkers50 List in both 2011 and 2013. What Got You Here Won’t Get You There was listed as a top ten business bestseller for 2013 by INC Magazine / 800 CEO Read (for the seventh consecutive year). Marshall’s exciting new research on engagement is published in his newest book Triggers (Crown, 2015). 
Posted by: Marshall Goldsmith AT 04:39 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Thursday, May 04 2017
By Drift or Design?

By Drift or Design?

by Terrie Lupberger MCC
(MMC guest master coach and blogger)

One of my clients recently told me that after 27 years of marriage her husband has just asked for a divorce. Apparently he had been miserable for the last 15 of those 27 years. ‘No’, she didn’t see any signs of his unhappiness but then again, she admitted that she’s been pretty caught up in her own work for so long that maybe she didn’t notice the signs. Another client, a senior manager, has been so overwhelmed with work for so long that he’s gotten use to only spending about 10 hours a month with his family. It’s ‘not ideal’ he says but there isn’t much he can do about either.

I can’t tell you how many people I’ve worked with over the years that have similar stories. Their professions and life circumstances vary widely but they are all surprised and disillusioned to find themselves in circumstances, relationships, and jobs that have little connection any more with what’s really important to them. Somewhere along the course of their life they got caught in what I call the drift.

Whether leading others or leading your own life it seems to me there are two primary paths you can take. You either spend most of your time reacting to circumstances, acting mostly out of habit and at the effect of what others want of you (the drift) OR you are conscious and purposeful in designing how you spend your time, and with whom, as a reflection of what matters most to you.

OK, maybe it’s not that simple or black and white, but it’s a powerful way to orient yourself in both your professional and personal life.

In the drift, your life is the result of just the way you’ve come to do things. It’s a result of a million small and not-so-small decisions that you made out of habit or fear or justifications and reasons to accommodate to the circumstances.

In the design, your life is about consciously choosing to take actions consistent with your values, your inner knowing, and your most important cares.

In the drift, you’re blind to the possibilities that things could be done differently. You take your habitual choices and your ways of responding to things as the norm.

In the design you’re aware that your thinking and your actions are either generating what you want or they aren’t.

In the drift, you are more likely to blame your circumstances or others for why you don’t have what you want.

In the design you know you have more choice than you think you do. You know you have options to design it differently and you always have the option to relate to your circumstances differently, even if you can’t change them.

In the drift you have a whole lot of reasons why you have to keep doing what you’re doing.

In the design you muster your courage and take risks to get results, and, even if you fail, you know you were acting out of alignment and integrity with what matters most.

The drift shows up in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. Take, for example, the senior manager who is so overwhelmed with work that he doesn’t have time to return emails in a timely manner. Ironically, the lack of communication with his team is the reason there are so many emails in the first place but he can’t see that – he doesn’t have the time. Or consider the project team that is so busy reacting to changing user requirements that they don’t step back to see if the overall project plan and direction still makes sense to their customers.

I worked with the CEO of a medical research lab who had been putting up with a verbally abusive boss for 4 years. Getting her son through college was the reason that she justified not taking different actions. There’s the HR Director who traveled internationally every month and was considered a superstar at work, year after year exceeding all the milestones, but was starting to wonder if there was more to life than an 80 hour work week with little energy or time left to tend to her own wants and needs outside of work.

You, yourself, may have been saying for some time that you’re going to finish writing that book, or start a new business, or move to a new town, or get back to exercising – but everything else takes precedent. You’ve been unhappy at your current work for a while but everyone is telling you how good you have it made so you stay. You’ve been so busy tending to kids, or to that little voice in your head insisting you work hard so you aren’t found out as an imposter, or to the demands of your boss, spouse or parents, that you’ve ignored your own health, well-being and aspirations.

Let’s face it, we all have been taken by the drift at different times in our lives. I even think the drift can be a healthy space to hang out in for a while – taking the time to more deeply listen to what wants to emerge next in your personal or professional life. It’s just that too many people don’t even know they’re in the drift, don’t know or believe there’s an alternative.

The problem with that is – and that old saying sums it up perfectly – ‘if you always do what you’ve always done you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.’ You see, the future exists only in the present. Let me say that again in case you missed it. The future exists only in the present. If there isn’t attention on it now then you will be a product of the drift of action, not the author of them. You’ll keep getting more of the same.

So, maybe it’s worth your time to consider this important but undervalued exploration. Ask yourself: Are you living and leading, right now, by drift or by design? Are you conscious and intentional and designing the actions needed to take care of what you most care about? Or, are you too busy reacting to circumstances, events, and what other people want for and from you?

It’s not too late if you answered yes to the latter. It will take awareness, courage and some friendly support. But, in the end, who do you want to say authored your life?

copyright @2017 Terrie Lupberger all rights reserved


Terrie is an executive coach and talent developer for leaders, managers and teams worldwide, Terrie’s international experience, executive coaching skills and tool set, plus 20 years of experience as a CEO and Senior Executive give her a unique vantage point when working with her clients.

Terrie is a pioneer in the field of coaching. She helped develop the core coaching competencies being used today as the standard of coaching professionalism worldwide. She is a former Board Member of the International Coach Federation, mentors coaches pursuing mastery and teaches executive coaching at the University of Miami as well as in Europe and Asia. She is a contributing author to several books on coaching including: A Coach’s Guide to Emotional Intelligence and The Handbook of Knowledge-Based Coaching. She works with coaches pursuing mastery in the profession.

www.terrielupberger.com

Posted by: Terrie Lupberger MCC AT 09:53 am   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Saturday, March 11 2017

I created Inside the World of Master Coaching, a tele-class series giving coaches a chance to observe and learn from mastery in action by listening to the masters coaching real world sessions then answering questions.

I did so because I firmly believe that in order to become masterful, to work towards mastery it is imperative that we study with and watch the masterful as they do what they do best!

So don't waste time, energy and money instead go straight to the top, to the masters!

Where you will:

  • get the purest and greatest learning
  • make greater leaps and bounds at a quicker pace
  • receive transformational insights and inspiration
  • avoid learning bad habits and being taught incomplete or misinformation.  

This is why Moore Master Coaching is also proud to be sponsoring this year’s most important event: Essence of Mastery Summit - created and hosted by two masters Fran Fisher MCC and Annie Gelfand MCC.

They, along with 6 other masterful coaches, will each be sharing their mastery on a vital coaching topic near and dear to their heart. And CEUs are available!

By the way, all of the MCCs in the summit have been guest master coaches on the MMC teleclass series! You can read more about their calls on the past calls page.

Be sure to check out the Essence of Mastery Summit, you don’t want to miss it! Early bird rate expires March 24th!

And if you're ready to hear what masterful coaching sounds like, get a free sneak peak of my series here.

Posted by: Gail Moore AT 10:12 am   |  Permalink   |  2 Comments  |  Email
Saturday, February 11 2017

Follow Your Inner Shaman
by Margie Gordillo MCC
(MMC guest master coach and blogger)

To be taken seriously in his or her tribe as a true healer, the ancient shaman had to return from death or a near-death experience, or from the brink of insanity. The shaman knows the only way to deeper truth leading to profound healing is to walk through the dark side of the inner self. And it’s that darker side of us, our shadow, that keeps hidden the full truth of who we are – our authentic selves. Hidden from our deepest truth, we are blocked from our greatest authentic resourcefulness.

Fortunately, leaders today don’t need anything so dramatic as near-death experiences to be taken seriously, or to find their truest expression.

But neither is it easy.

As a descendent of Nicaragua’s Nicoya tribe, a Shamanic mountain tribe revered for their intuitive and healing gifts, intuition has always come easy to me. Authenticity has not.

Our shadows create unconscious blocks to our strongest expressions of authentic leadership and honest communication, impacting our every choice. Over time, we build up defenses, patterns, and habits to help us cope, often not recognizing how much energy goes to hiding shame, blame and inadequacy that the shadow clings to. Those coping mechanisms lurk beneath the surface of our consciousness, cause us to give up our power, and keep us from boldly and intuitively living our lives with confidence, compassion, resourcefulness and strength.

             We’re gifted at different times in our lives to take that dark walk.

When we’re ready, or when it’s thrust upon us, there are tools such as the Enneagram that can help. I’ll explore some of these in future posts.

For now, recognize we all have blocks to our greater potential. It’s the chatter in our heads that says we’re wrong, we don’t have what it takes (not really), everything’s my fault… Some of you may be saying to yourself, “I’ve already worked through that,” and you’re right. And yet, we’re always given another chance to take a deeper look, to peel off the proverbial layers.

To fully, completely live an authentic life, we must dive into our deeper selves with the fearlessness of a shaman, the courage of a soldier, and the heart of a lion. When we do this, then, and only then, will we live with passion and authenticity. 

copyright @2017 all rights reserved
 


About Margie: Feeling unsatisfied with her executive corporate success, Margie left her job behind to embark on a Shamanic journey, 'coincidentally' on September 11, 2001 -- the same day the U.S. experienced a great destruction to some of its core structure.

​Allowing her own construct of reality to deconstruct, she discovered the essence of her authentic self, embracing her Nicoya Shaman roots from her Nicaraguan heritage. Learning inner stillness and connecting to nature as simple, yet divine, Margie discovered the deep powers of intuition that her rational mind up to that point had resisted.

​Eventually, she was guided to intuitive life coaching as an answer to her question: Where and how do I make the greatest impact for positive change using my natural gifts?
 
Margie is an International Coach Federation Master Certified Coach with more than a decade of professional coaching experience. Also a Certified Mentor Coach, Margie has trained and mentored scores of individuals and members of large organizations seeking ICF certification .

She was first certified as a co-active coach from the Coaches Training Institute in San Francisco, followed by advanced training at inviteChange in Seattle, both highly acclaimed organizations in the coaching industry. 

​Margie holds a Master of Arts degree in Transpersonal Psychology.

www.getrealcoach.net  
www.getrealcoach.net/blog

Posted by: Margie Gordillo MCC AT 04:17 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email
Friday, January 13 2017

By Donna Zajonc MCC and David Emerald 
(Donna was a guest MCC May 2015)

Goal setting is a valuable practice that helps you stay on track and get things done.   Goals are essential for completing tasks, whether it is developing a new business skill, learning a new hobby or cleaning the garage.

While setting goals can motivate you, they can also produce a feeling that what you currently have isn't enough.  A sense of unease can come over you if your goal-oriented life discounts all that is good in the present moment.  In short, while goals can move you forward, you can also feel victimized by constant "what's next?" thinking.

Questions may start haunting you:  Am I going to fulfill my goal?  Will I be successful or not?  Will I be happy once I reach the goal?  Should I set another goal to keep the pressure on?  Am I a failure if the goal is not reached?

A winning or losing mindset can operate in the back of your mind, which fuels the internal Dreaded Drama Triangle (DDT) ™.   If you don't reach your goal, the Victim mindset says, "Why try anyway.  I'll never be a success."

The controlling Persecutor in you may take over and interfere with other important aspects of your life.  You might accomplish your goals but the rest of your life might fall apart.  In short, over reliance on goal-setting can become a winner-take-all plot that dominates your life.

Living your intentions, on the other hand, is much different.  Being intentional allows you to focus on how you want to be in the moment, independent of whether you are winning or losing.  Creators balance their desired outcome with intentions first, based upon their values and what matters most to them.   Goal-setting then naturally follows.  For a Creator, the source of satisfaction and happiness is both the experience in the moment, as well as the desired goal or outcome.

A metaphor may help illustrate the distinction between intentions and goals.

We live in the US near a national forest which has wonderful day hikes that allow spectacular views.  Our goal may be to hike to the top of a small mountain and wish to see the extraordinary view from the summit.  It's a worthy goal that gets us excited and motivates us to schedule a hike.

Before we begin the hike, we set our intention to be present to the sights and smells along the trail, noticing the beauty of the plants and unexpected vistas that arise with each twist in the trail.  Even if the forest fog unexpectedly rolls in and prevents us from hiking to the summit, our intention to enjoy one another and nature's beauty can still be fulfilled.

If we are just focused on the goal of reaching the summit - and the fog prevents that - we can return home feeling victimized.  As Creators focused on our intention being fully present to the experience, we can return satisfied that we fulfilled the intention.

Focusing on intentions does not mean you give up your goals or desire to achieve.   Here are three differences between goals and intentions:

  • Goals are focused on the future. Intentions are in the present moment.
  • Goals are a destination or specific achievement. Intentions are lived each day, independent of achieving the goal or destination.
  • Goals are external achievements. Intentions are your inner relationships with yourself and others.

By setting your intention first, and combining it with goals, you will become a Creator who enjoys both the journey, as much as the destination.

Taken from the Power of TED* newsletter where they share insights about how to shift from drama to empowerment. The newsletter is written and edited by David Emerald and Donna Zajonc © 2017, with all rights reserved.

Like this article? Check out the Archives for more TED* Works! 
Learn more about TED* - www.powerofted.com


Donna Zajonc, MCC is Director of Coaching and Practitioner Services for The Power of TED*. She applies the TED* work in her coaching, facilitating and speaking work, to help clients focus on creating bold and powerful choices.

Having had a full-time professional coaching practice for many years, Donna collaborates with David Emerald, author of The Power of TED* as both wife and business partner.

Posted by: Donna Zajonc MCC AT 12:00 pm   |  Permalink   |  0 Comments  |  Email