When We Automatically Make Ourselves Right and Others Wrong
By Patricia Hirsch NCOC, MCC
MMC guest master coach on 1/22/14 & blogger
Don’t ask me why this is so but ask me how you can begin to observe how you yourself are a part of all of it.
If we begin to question why this is so, we go down the rabbit hole of attempting to understand. We could make up fabulous stories that might answer why, but to understand is not to take action. To understand is to answer the question “why?” That in itself is not wrong; but neither is it right.
The power lies in beginning to notice how we are “thrown” to do it. To be thrown is to follow a path without diversion; much like a ball thrown across the room in a direction where the path is not diverted unless it comes into contact with something to alter its course.
- To put (suddenly or forcefully) into a given condition, position, or activity (thefreedictionary.com)
- To put in a particular position or condition (merriam-webster.com)
- An act or instance of throwing or casting; cast; fling (dictionary.reference.com)
You get the idea, right? …or wrong?
To alter the course of making ourselves right and others wrong takes “coming into contact with something” (a declaration?) to alter the course of our conversations. It takes beginning to notice when we automatically come up with an excuse or a retort or a reason or anger or fear or…
To alter the course of making others wrong may be the beginning of creating a fresh or new relationship with someone; your spouse, or your parents, or your boss, or your co-worker, or the cop who stopped you or…
To alter the course of making ourselves right may be the beginning of creating a brand new relationship with ourselves. To begin to be authentic with who we are being for ourselves. To begin to live from integrity.
To alter the course of that automatic right/wrong conversation, we may begin to recognize “what’s so.” What the truth is of who we are being for ourselves in this moment in time. That “this is it” and where we are in our lives right now begins with the choice we make right now.
That to alter the course of being “thrown” on that automatic path of right and wrong along with all the other automatic right and wrong conversationalists, may just provide us the opportunity to begin afresh to design a new story worth living into.
The first step to shifting from a way of being that is not working is to begin to observe our own conversations of “automatically making ourselves right and others wrong.”
The second step is to stop ourselves in the middle of it.
The third is to stop ourselves before it happens.
The fourth step is to remember that we used to speak from those automatic and often detrimental to living joyfully conversations of “I am right and you are wrong.”
Will you take a first step with me?
Copyright 2013 Patricia Hirsch
Patricia Hirsch is the founder and President of Design Your Life Coaching (est. 2001), a professional coaching and leadership development company, coaching globally as an Executive Personal Coach. Through individual and group coaching, she has worked extensively to facilitate relationships across cultural, educational, emotional and other discourses with a focus on senior executives, board members, teams and individuals.
Patricia’s coaching and leadership development ontological methodology is grounded in somatic, linguistic and emotional competence. She draws on each of these domains in her work with clients to raise awareness, enable action and generate sustainable and high levels of performance.
During the past 30 years, she has held numerous mentoring, leadership and management positions. She remains active on rosters for high impact change organizations, which include as President for ICF-OC Chapter, and a member of International Coach Federation (ICF) global committees. Her recent contribution is as ICF Credentialing Committee Member for ensuring a credentialing system is updated to the standards for which the 18,000+ members measure their continuing professionalism.
Patricia also has a weekly radio show where she interviews ICF credentialed coaches.